How To Make Artemis Fowl Fall In Love
by Treegirl4
Summary: 3 young film and drama students decide that for their 'How to...' project they will make a movie on how to make Artemis Fowl- the boy famous for showing no interest in girls- fall in love. But what happens when things don't go quite according to plan?
1. The Project

**A/N: Okay, this is my first Artemis Fowl fanfic. I know it doesn't seem to be related to Artemis Fowl at all in the first chapter, but it gets there, trust me. Anyway, read, review and most importantly, enjoy!**

Franco Lucemberto had always liked drama. When he was young he had dreamed of being an actor on the stage. Of course, back then his name was Frank Lumber and he was a railway maintenance man, hired by his fathers company, Lumber Rails. By the time Franco earned enough money to leave Lumber Rails he was too old to get into the theatre industry. He didn't have the experience the other actors had. So he got a job at a local high school in country Ireland as a drama teacher. It wasn't hard to change his boring name to something Italian and mysterious, and then he just faked his CV, and _viola_. He had a job.

The school he worked in, Wicklow High, was a very small school. It was tiny compared with the larger schools that surrounded it, and the students often got teased by the students from other schools, namely St Bartlebys. Wicklow High couldn't offer as many subjects and sports at St Bartlebys, and its fees were much lower, which gave Wicklow High a reputation for being for cheapskates.

While they didn't have a lot of classes, Wicklow High did have a drama class and a film class. However, because of the size of these two classes, they had been combined. There was fourteen students all together, nine of them girls. Franco was given the job of teaching all of them, even though he had absolutely no film experience. Then again, he had no acting experience either.

On a relatively cool Thursday afternoon, Franco walked into his class to find the usual group of film and drama students. They were an odd mix of students really- some girls were very confident and dramatic, some were quieter but very skilled. Four of the five boys pretended they weren't interested at all, but actually enjoyed the classes, and the other boy actually did hate drama and was only there because this was supposed to cure his chronic shyness.

Franco was excited this afternoon, because the previous night he had devised an exciting project for them all. He normally had trouble combining the film and drama aspect- after all, not all drama activities could be filmed. But this project would be perfect.

"Settle down, settle down!" he said loudly, calling for the classes attention. It took a few moments for conversations to finish and silence to come.

"Thank you." Franco said. When he'd first started teaching he'd put on an Italian accent, but now he didn't bother. People would just think he's lost it living in Ireland.

"Now," he began. "I have an exciting new project for you all. This will be your project for the rest of the term, and will count for at least fifty percent of your final mark this year. You will work in groups of three or four, I don't mind. Now, this will be filmed, obviously, because you are going to be making a movie. I will get you all the equipment you need. Now, the movie theme is..."

He got out a whiteboard marker and wrote on the whiteboard in big letters.

"How to," he said, "Dot, dot, dot."

"That's it?" asked Erin, a red-headed girl who was an extremely good actress. "Just make a How to movie?"

Franco shook his head slowly.

"No, no, no." she said. "I don't want 'just a how to movie'. I want something creative. If you make a movie on how to make a paper aeroplane, you will fail. I want something original."

He steepled his fingers and watched the sudden activity in the students as they hurriedly got into groups.

Tali was new at Wicklow High- she had only moved to Ireland a couple of weeks ago. It didn't take long for her to make friends- she was naturally nice and full of energy. She had always loved movies and acting, and that's why she had joined the film and drama class. Her mum had wanted her to do Maths or Science instead, but she had no interest in either of them. She was interested in films and wanted to learn about making them, because even if she didn't become an actress she wanted to get into the film industry. She could see herself directing or filming, or even script writing. She had always liked writing stories.

Most of the girls in the class stood out from a crowd. You could pick the film and drama students in the school easily. Extravagant hair, dramatic make-up, uniform not worn quite how it should be. Tali didn't stand out as much as some of the other girls, but she didn't look like an average fifteen year old either. She had inherited her mum's blonde hair but also had her dad's dark skin. She kept her hair short and choppy- it stuck out at odd angles and her mum often told her to flatten it, saying she looked like a cartoon character. Her eyes were big and dark. These she got from her dad as well. She wasn't tall and she wasn't short, but she was skinny and had been mistaken for an athlete before.

She sat in her chair and watched everyone bustling around, knowing she'd be asked to join a group at some point. She was one of the better actresses in the class, and everyone wanted good people in their group. She got a little distracted, imagining the filming equipment Mr. Lucemberto had promised them. She loved the microphones and the cameras that made everything seem so professional...

"Tali, right?"

Tali looked up, startled, straight into the eyes of Kat Silver. Kat's dark eyes, that looked even darker in comparison to her trademark silver eyeshadow surrounding them, bored into hers. Her hair, dyed a deep purple, hung in loose curls around her shoulders. She had a small red love heart painted on her neck, just below her ear. Her features were sharp and her skin was pale. She was, without doubt, the best actress in the class. Most of the other girls hated her, or were jealous of her, but she still managed to be incredibly popular. And all the boys liked her. A lot.

"Yeah." Tali said. Kat's general appearance was slightly intimidating, but she kept her shoulders squared and didn't look away from her eyes.

"Do you have a group?" Kat asked. She didn't smile, she just appraised Tali cooly.

"No." Tali replied, equally cooly.

"Good. You're in ours then." Kat said, still unsmiling. Then she leaned over Tali- even though they were about the same height, Tali was sitting and Kat was in platform shoes that made her a lot taller.

"Okay, Tali. Now before I let you into my group, you have to answer a couple of questions."

"Fine by me." Tali said, leaning back casually.

"Firstly," Kat said, still leaning over Tali intimidatingly. "Do you like Red Skittles?"

Tali raised her eyebrows.

"Yeah. I like them."

"And would you be prepared to go to any length to provide your group with red skittles should the need arise?"

Kat narrowed her eyes, waiting for Tali's answer.

"Yeah, of course." she said seriously.

Suddenly, Kat's face broke into a massive grin and she laughed. Tali did too. They did this a lot. When Tali had first come to Wicklow High, Kat had walked straight up to her and demanded her lunch money. Tali had laughed and bought her an ice-cream. They had been friends since then.

They went into a corner of the room. They sat down and Kat looked around, as if she expected something to be there.

Then she stood up and yelled.

"Oi, Viv!"

A tall, African girl on the other side of the room turned around. Tali recognized her as being Vivecca Filoca, aka Viva Star. Vivecca used to only use the name Viva Star for plays and musicals, but somehow the name had stuck. After Kat, Viva was the best actress in the class. She was beautiful and had a great voice, which meant she was in a lot of musicals. She was one of the few people that seemed to genuinely like Kat- most people just hung around with her to steal some of her popularity.

Viva gracefully navigated her way through the throng of students to the corner where Kat and Tali sat.

"And I suppose you just expect me to be in your group do you?" she asked, flicking her long black hair over her shoulder.

"Too right I do. You'd be failing drama without me and you know it. I only put up with you so I can use your hair straightener." Kat replied.

Viva laughed, and Kat and Tali joined in. Anyone that knew Kat- really knew her, that was- knew that she was almost permanently acting some role, in a play only she knew was going on. Both Viva and Tali had a similar sense of humour to Kat, which was probably why they all got on.

"This is Tali." Kat told Viva.

"Nice to meet you." Viva said, leaning forward and kissing each of Tali's cheeks.

"You too." Tali said. Every time her and Viva saw each other they acted like they were meeting for the first time. Today they were being fairly civil, although sometimes they were pretty hostile towards each other. But then they'd mutually agreed that slapping each other ruined their makeup.

Tali loved working with Kat and Viva. She knew it would be fun. It always was.

"Now, down to business." Kat said, sitting cross legged on the floor and pulling a pair of large square glasses out of a pocket half way down the leg of her mauve jeans. She put the glasses on, which magnified her eyes, making them look even larger and darker than usual. Neither Tali or Viva made no comment on the glasses, even though they both knew they were just glass and weren't for any real sight impairment.

"Brainstorming." Kat said. "Viv, take notes."

"Ay, Ay, Captain Biatch." Viva said. She mimed pulling out a pen and a writing on a clipboard.

Kat put her hands together, resting her chin on them.

"Okay, so this is a How to movie." she said.

She took a deep breath, as if she were preparing for a long speech, then turned on Tali.

"Any ideas?"

Tali pouted, as she often did when she thought, and put her chin in her hand.

"Well, Mr. Lucemberto said something original," she began. "So we need to think, you know, out side the box."

Kat leant forwards, urging her to continue.

"So," Tali continued. "We need to do something no one else will do. Something that's never been done before. But that doesn't mean we can't be inspired by other things."

"Inspired?" Viva asked.

Tali shrugged, thinking about it. Nothing jumped out at her as being the perfect topic.

"When I need ideas, I go for a walk," she said. "We could try that, see if anything inspires us."

Kat was nodding.

"I like where you're going with this, Tali." she said. She stood up, and whipped off the square glasses.

"Mr. Lucemberto," she called out. "Tali, Viva and I will be back soon. We need inspiration."

Franco loved Kat- she _was _his best student- and so he agreed. After all, Kat, Viva and Tali might be a little out-there, but they were all good kids really. It wasn't like they'd do anything wrong...

**A/N: Hope you liked that! Tell me what you think of Kat, Viva and Tali, because if you don't like them I want to know. And if you do like them, I want to know that too!**


	2. The Topic

**A/N: I know it took a long time to get this chapter out, but I had to get it right and when I did I went on holidays. Limited internet for 10 days. Almost killed me, but I'm back now and I hope you like this chapter. Thought I should mention that Artemis is a little older in this. Events after the fourth book never happened (because I haven't gotten round to reading them). It's not relevant, just thought you might like to know. Okay, enough from me, back to Kat, Viva and Tali...**

A few minutes after leaving the school grounds, Kat decided in was safe to pull out the bottle of vodka she had in her bag. She opened it and took a swig, then passed it around. Tali and Viva drank some and passed in back to her. This continued until they reached the main shopping district of Wicklow. They walked through the narrow streets, drinking the vodka and looking around at the shops and cafes.

"Any inspiration yet?" Viva asked them.

Both Kat and Tali shook their heads.

After a while Viva announced she was starving, and so they stopped at a cafe. They all put in money for a big pasta they all shared.

As they sat at the cafe, staring out the window, a group of St Bartlebys boys walked past. They stared at the girls eating their pasta. This was normal behaviour for them- Wicklow High and St Bartelbys were sworn enemies. Kat stared coldly back at them, but as soon as they had passed she laughed.

"I love St Bartelbys guys. It's hilarious watching them prance around in their blazers."

Tali laughed, because it was true- while Wicklow High had a school uniform, it was not as formal and never worn as well as St Bartlebys.

"Last year," Viva said, leaning towards Tali, her eyes lighting up as they did when she was telling a story. "Kat and I walked into St Bartlebys after school."

Tali listened intently. Viva told good stories- there had been a task in class where you had to tell an impromptu story on anything you wanted. Viva's anecdote about a dinner party she went to had been hilarious.

"All the boys were still there, because they're all boarders, obviously. And Kat and I just walked in there and walked around campus. None of the teachers were around and so no one told us to leave or anything. And all the guys stared at us, it was so funny."

She laughed, remembering.

"And then," she said, pausing dramatically.

Tali leaned forwards.

"And then?" she prompted.

"And then we were just walking into any random rooms, and we walked into this dorm room thinking it belonged to a guy we kind of know. And it was actually Artemis Fowl's! He was in there, doing his homework or something on his computer. He got so pissed off. Well, as pissed off as he can get. I suppose it was closer to annoyance. He's not great at showing emotion."

Viva laughed even louder, and Kat joined in.

"Artemis Fowl?" Tali asked.

"Oh, he's this St Bartelbys guy." Kat said, "Supposed to be a genius, but I think he's socially retarded."

She shook her head, still laughing.

"Artemis Fowl. God, I hate that kid."

"He's our age, you idiot." Viva said. "Maybe a little older."

"I know that. If I want to call someone kid, I can," Kat said haughtily.

Viva slapped Kat's arm playfully.

"And he's a genius?" Tali asked skeptically. She had babysat a 'genius' before. The kid tried to teach her how to play checkers- even though she knew perfectly well- and then he had explained the benefits of eating chocolate before bed.

"I can't believe you haven't heard of him." Kat said, "He's like, Irish royalty or something. He's family's super rich, they live in this really big house, I used to pass it sometimes on the way to my brothers girlfriends house. He has, like, a maid. At least I think she's a maid- she's Eurasian and she's always there. Anyway, he has no friends because he's the most arrogant guy in the world. My cousin Lucy went out with a St Bartelbys guy- who knows why- and she says he's a total loner, an unco at sports and stuff, all he does it play on his computer and hang out with some buff guy who's supposingly his bodyguard. He's really mean to everyone- in year seven our school versed them in this random quiz thing, and he told me I was stupid and shallow. Like, who says that to someone they don't even know? And I was acting stupid on purpose. I had a bimbo role coming up, I needed to get in character."

Tali took in all the information about Artemis Fowl, finding herself growing oddly fascinated with the boy she'd never seen. Presuming everything Kat said was true, she had never heard of a stranger boy. And she'd heard of some pretty strange people before.

They left the cafe and went to a nearby park. The vodka was beginning to really take effect, and their laughing fits were becoming more frequent and less understandable.

"You know what we should do?" Kat said. She wasn't drunk, but she wasn't exactly sober either. She walked in a straight line and her speech wasn't slurred, but she had the look of someone wanting to do something stupid. Then again, maybe Kat got that look without the help of alcohol.

"What?" Viva asked. She too had a high alcohol tolerance. It wasn't the first time they'd drunk vodka.

"Go to St Bartlebys again. Maybe we'll run into my buddy Artemis."

She laughed loudly. The bottle was finished, and Tali was sober enough to know the effects would wear off soon. So now was the perfect time to do something stupid. Walking into a boys boarding school seemed like a plan.

"Yeah, good idea." she said.

Viva agreed as well, and so they set off towards the school. It wasn't that far out of town, in the opposite direction to Wicklow High. They arrived there just as the school day was finishing. On the way, Tali asked Viva for more information on Artemis Fowl.

"So, he has no friends, right?"

"Who?" Viva asked.

"Artemis Fowl. The guy we're going to- I mean, the guy we might see."

"Oh, him. Yeah, he has no friends. Guys or girls." she lowered her voice, so Kat couldn't hear. "Kat thinks he's kind of hot- which he is, I suppose- but don't say I said. He's too up himself to have a girlfriend. He's the kind of guy that will never fall in love."

Tali frowned. Was that even possible? Could there be a person who would never fall in love?

St Bartlebys resembled a castle. Unlike Wicklow High- which wasn't that old and frequently renovated- it wasn't modern, closer to Hogwarts that your average high school. It was big- large enough to not only fit classrooms for roughly 1000 boys, but dorm rooms for them too.

The gates were open, and had the appearance of gates that were rarely closed. They walked in without being questioned. Tali felt like a soldier in enemy territory, especially wearing her Wicklow High school dress. Her, Kat and Viva's school uniforms were not so obvious as normal ones. Viva had teamed hers with a brown woolen cardigan, purple socks and colourful beads. Kat seemed to have tie-dyed the entire thing. Tali wore a sparkly silver belt around her waist and she had a lot of colourful bangles on. But either way it was obvious what school they came from. Not that Tali cared- the alcohol was still effecting her train of thought. She felt brave and indestructible.

Boys were filing out of classrooms and heading back to their dorms. A few were in sports uniforms, going in what Tali guessed to be the direction of the oval.

Kat led the way into the school building, ignoring the stares of the students. Tali copied her. After all, it wasn't like entering the school was forbidden. Or at least, she didn't think it was.

She had never been inside a boys boarding school before. She had a younger brother, but he was still at kindergarten age, and he lived at home with her. At St Bartlebys, teenaged boys were everywhere. They zigzagged through the corridors, shouting at each other, and disappeared into the many dorm rooms along the corridor.

Kat led the way confidently.

"Um, do you come here a lot?" Tali asked her, struggling to keep up and dodge the throngs of boys in blazers.

Kat shrugged.

"No, not that much. But I have a good sense of direction."

Clearly Kat had a better sense of direction than Viva did, because she was soon completely lost. And Tali hadn't known where she was going to begin with.

They went down flights of stairs and around countless corners. Eventually they reached some heavy double doors, that looked like they might be oak. Tali didn't know the difference between wood and plaster half the time so she wouldn't have a clue. A plaque above the door had the St Bartlebys crest and some sort of motto in Latin. Kat pushed through the doors without pausing, Viva and Tali close behind.

They entered a large room with rows and rows of bookshelves, all of them full of thick, dusty books.

"Welcome to the library." Kat said. Lowering her voice, she said,

"This is where we'll find our good friend Artemis."

Tali smiled in anticipation. She could imagine what Artemis would look like- short and thin and pale, with huge glasses and buck teeth. Or something along those lines.

Kat made a show of creeping forwards and darting behind a bookshelf, humming the _Mission Impossible_ theme music.

Viva raised her eyebrows, a small smile on her lips. Making her fingers into an imaginary gun and glancing around, she followed, bending over and running low. Both her and Kat collapsed into silent fits of laughter behind the bookshelf.

Tali laughed quietly. Working with Kat and Viva was always good fun. She made a gun with her fingers and bent low as she ran. She was watching her feet, and trying not to trip because she was bent over so much. And then she collided with something hard.

She fell backwards, onto the dark blue carpet. For a moment she didn't know what had happened, then she saw a boy standing in front of her.

"Watch where you are going!" he said, irritated. He frowned, his pale face creasing. He had dark hair, and as Tali's eyes focussed, she could see his piercingly blue eyes. He was in a St Bartlebys uniform, and she could tell that he was pretty skinny. She looked up at him, her mouth open in shock.

"S-sorry." she said.

He stared at her with distaste, and bent down to collect the books he had dropped. He gave her one last disapproving stare before stalking out of the library.

Tali realized that she was sitting in the middle of the floor and hurriedly got up and joined Kat and Viva. They were still laughing, and not as quietly as before. They didn't say a thing, hardly able to breathe they were laughing so hard.

"Are we still going to try and find Artemis?" Tali asked them, trying to distract them.

This just made them laugh harder, and Tali began to get annoyed. She had run into some guy, so what? It wasn't _that_ funny.

"We already did." Viva managed to get out between her laughter.

"What? You went without me?" Tali said. She couldn't believe Kat and Viva had gone and found Artemis while she'd been on the floor.

"No," Kat said, gasping for air. "We didn't find him. You did."

Now Tali was even more confused.

"I found him?" she asked.

Then she realized. Her mouth dropped open in shock.

"_That_ was Artemis Fowl?" she said.

Kat and Viva nodded, still laughing.

"Oh my god, you totally head butted his chest. I'm surprised the impact didn't break him in half, he's so skinny." Kat said.

"He'll think I'm a freak now!" Tali said.

"Who cares?" Kat said. "He's Artemis Fowl. No one cares what he thinks."

Tali smiled. Kat was right. Artemis Fowl was just some weird kid with no friends. And besides, it wasn't like she'd ever see him again.

Eventually they left St Bartelbys. They'd walked around for a while, and Kat had tried to distract the football team by talking loudly in the stands, saying how long it had been since she'd seen some _real_ athletes. By the time they started on their way back into town, it was almost six. The alcohol they'd drunk earlier seemed to be having a recurring effect on Kat and Viva- they were once again laughing about Tali's 'accident'.

"What did he say to you anyway?" Kat asked her.

"He told me to watch where I was going," Tali said.

"Stupid bastard." Kat replied. "Did he stop to consider the possibility it had been his fault? Of course not. He's _so_ up himself. I'd love to tear that ego of his into pieces."

"You really hate him?" Tali asked curiously.

Kat shrugged.

"Yeah, I guess I do. He's so... oh, I can't even describe him. Another reason to hate him. He's so annoying it's indescribable."

She laughed.

"You could never actually destroy his ego though." Viva said. "Some things are too big to destroy."

Kat laughed again and Tali joined in. She was beginning to agree with Kat about Artemis. After all, it hadn't been _only_ her fault they'd run into each other. It wasn't like she'd been zigzagging all over the place- she had been running in a straight line, and he should have seen her.

"I think we could destroy his ego." she said. She didn't really believe what she was saying, but she was an actress. She didn't have to.

"How?" Viva asked. "You have to admit, he is smart. I doubt we'll be able to find anyone smarter than him."

Tali thought about it, pouting as she did so.

"Well, when does your ego feel... deflated?" she asked them.

Kat twisted her mouth, putting one finger on her chin.

"When I perform badly, and people tell me." she said. "But we've already been over this. He's always going to be the smartest. We're not about to beat him in a spelling bee."

"Well isn't there anything else?" Tali said, getting into it now. It was kind of fun, thinking of ways to destroy a boy she didn't really like, and didn't really know either.

Viva cocked her head to one side.

"What about rejection?" she asked. "When the primary school drama teacher told me I wasn't small enough to be a forest nymph in the year five play, I felt pretty upset."

Kat gave Viva a look.

"I don't think Artemis wants to a forest nymph, Viv." she said.

Tali shrugged.

"I 'spose we can't destroy his ego then. It's indestructible."

They walked in silence for a moment. Then Kat stopped. Viva and Tali turned around. A huge grin was spread across Kat's face.

"What's that expression?" she said. "When you solve two problems with one solution?"

"Killing two birds with one stone?" Viva asked.

"Yeah, that. I think I just did it." Kat said.

"Why? What is it?" Tali asked.

"I know how to destroy Artemis' ego." she said, "Turns out you had a good idea after all Viv. Rejection. Only not rejection by a primary school drama teacher. Rejection by a girl."

Her eyes were lit up with excitement.

"Come on, you know what I mean!" she said when they didn't reply. "You know when you like a guy, and he just shows no interest? Or you thought he liked you, and then he doesn't? It makes you feel pretty bad about yourself, doesn't it? Well, it would be the same for Artemis."

She was still grinning, happy with her solution.

"But Artemis is incapable of liking a girl. He hates people in general." Viva said.

"Viv, he's a teenaged boy. He's full of hormones and testosterone and whatever else they've got in there. He can't show no interest what so ever. So he falls for her, and then she breaks his heart, and _viola, _ego flattened."

"Okay," Viva said. "Just say he _did_ show interest in a girl- which, by the way, is _extremely_ unlikely- who would this girl be?"

Kat shrugged like it didn't matter.

"Hey, I'm happy to do it. I have no problem with pretending to like the kid if I get to break his heart later,"

"He already knows you," Viva argued. "And before you say anything, he knows me too, so don't even try it."

Kat frowned, then smiled mischievously and turned on Tali.

"You seemed to make an impression on him."

Tali's mouth dropped open, not for the first time that afternoon.

"Me?" she said in disbelief. "Pretend to like Artemis?" She laughed loudly to mask her shock.

"You'd be perfect." Kat said. "You're pretty smart, right? And you're pretty. Artemis wouldn't stand a chance."

She winked. Tali raised her eyebrows.

"Come on!" she said, bending down and kneeling at Tali's feet, her hands held up as if in prayer. "I'm begging you!"

She turned on Viva. "Viv? Come on! It's a good idea right?"

Viva glanced at Tali.

"It might work. _Might. _It depends how Tali feels about it."

They both turned on Tali.

"It's a waste of time," she said. "We need to concentrate on our project, remember?"

Kat grinned mischievously again.

"That was the second bird I killed."

"What was?" Viva asked.

Kat held her thumbs and forefingers together and spread them apart, making a banner in the air.

"How to..." she said, pausing dramatically. "Make Artemis Fowl Fall In Love. It will be the best 'how to' movie ever. Guys, I _really_ want a good grade for this. It _is_ counting for our final mark after all. But, if Tali's not up for it..." she shrugged again, beginning to walk down the road.

Viva glanced at Tali. Kat was right, this was an amazing topic. It was creative, original, and it would be fun to make. But it depended on Tali's decision to much. If she wouldn't do it, her and Kat couldn't either. She didn't care if they succeeded in flattering Artemis' ego- unlike Kat, she didn't have anything against him. Kat came from a broken home; she'd never had any money, her father was an alcoholic and no one ever really cared what she did. She had always resented people with money- which was most of the St Bartlebys school population- but she hated Artemis more than the rest of them. Not just because of his 'stupid and shallow' comment, but because he had more money than the rest, he seemed to have loving parents, he lived in a big nice house and to top it off he was going somewhere. Kat wanted to do something with her life, and she worked unbelievably hard to get noticed. She wanted to be someone. The fact that Artemis was born someone- that he was privileged, a member of the VIP club without even trying- made her hate him even more.

Viva only cared about the project. But without Tali, there was no project. She didn't know Tali that well- they'd only be friends for a couple of weeks after all- so she didn't know if Tali would agree.

Tali rolled her eyes.

"Fine!" she said, "I'll do it."

"Yay!" Kat said, running forward and throwing her arms around Tali. "Thank you so much! Our movie will be the best anyone's ever seen!"

They all gave each other high-fives. It took them a couple of tries- they had drunk quite a lot of vodka- but they got there in the end, with only a couple of smacked arms and faces.

Tali grinned in anticipation. Artemis Fowl wouldn't know what hit him.

**A/N: There. A little longer than last chapter. I thought I better make it long, because I was so mean not posting for, like, ever. Hope you liked that chapter. Review and tell me if you didn't. Or if you did :)**


	3. The Preparation

**A/N: I tried to get this one out quickly. It's shorter, but it's all important info. Chap 4 will be out soon, it's almost done. Anyway, RR&E (read, review and ENJOY:D )**

They didn't have drama and film class the next day, but Kat, Viva and Tali all met at lunchtime to start planning their movie. It was already decided that Tali would have the 'main role', for want of a better word, but to make it a real acting movie it was important Kat and Viva appeared on screen. As well as that, there was the issue of cameras. It was likely that Artemis would notice if they always followed him around with a camera, and so they would have to set up hidden ones. This could be difficult, but Kat was confident they could manage it.

"Mr Lucemberto said he'd get all the equipment." she said, "We'll just ask for some extra, smaller cameras, that we can stick in corners or whatever."

By the end of lunchtime they hadn't achieved much in the way of preparation, so they decided to meet after school. They decided to go to Viva's house- it went without saying they wouldn't go to Kat's, although Tali didn't know the reason why, and Tali's house was further out of town.

After school Tali met Kat and Viva at the school gate and they all walked home to Viva's house. Viva lived in a middle sized two storey house just out of town. When they got there, Viva's mother- a large African-American woman- greeted them with cookies and juice. They accepted the food and thanked her, and then went up to Viva's room.

"Okay," Kat said, sitting down cross legged on Viva's floor. She had been fairly laid back up until then, but Viva could tell that she was getting down to business.

Kat pulled a sheet of lined paper out of her school bag, followed by a purple gel pen.

"The plan is," she began. "To get Artemis Fowl," she drew a stick figure of a boy, "To fall in love with Tali," she drew a girl stick figure and drew a love heart between them.

"I think 'fall in love with' sounds a bit... dramatic." Tali interjected. "I mean, do we seriously expect him to fall in _love_ in only a few weeks?"

"Fall in love _is_ a little strong," Viva agreed. "But it's good in the title. We're still calling it 'How to make Artemis Fowl fall in love', aren't we?"

Kat nodded.

"Okay, so we call it that, but we aren't actually aiming for love." Viva said, "More of an attraction. A strong attraction, one he can voice."

"And that he feels cut up about when Tali breaks his heart." Kat added.

"Yes, that too." Viva said.

"Okay, so that's the basic outline," Kat continued. "But how do we achieve this? Any suggestions?"

"Well," Tali began confidently. She had enough romantic experience to know what she was talking about. "I should probably meet him first. Properly, I mean."

Kat's face twitched into a smile, then she nodded sincerely.

"Definitely a good start." she said. In thick, curly writing she wrote,

_1. Tali meets Artemis_

"What next?" Kat asked.

"Well, then I'll have to get Artemis' attention." Tali said.

"Exactly!" Kat said. "There's a lot of girls out there, you have to stand out as being different, as being _better_. You have to flirt, show you're interested, otherwise he won't respond at all. He's that kind of guy. A stupid loser. But you'll have to pretend to like him anyway. Don't be desperate though, keep it a little distant."

Tali nodded, trying to take in all these instructions, but not really worrying about it. She knew how to flirt with guys. Even losers like Artemis Fowl.

Kat wrote down this point under the first.

_2. Flirt with Artemis_

"And when that goes well," Viva continued. "Which I think it will, you'll want to spend some time with him. Not a date yet- we'll wait for him to ask you out-"

"So we know how close we are to destruction," Kat added.

"Yes," Viva said, "But you can just spend some time together, like you're good friends."

Kat wrote this point down as well.

_3. Spend time together_

"And after that," Tali said, "I guess we wait until he asks me out."

They all frowned. Tali didn't know Artemis, but he didn't seem like the kind of guy who would ask someone out, even if he liked them. Viva and Kat _did_ know Artemis, and they knew he wouldn't ask Tali out, no matter how much he liked her. He wasn't the dating kind of guy.

"He won't ask you out." Viva said.

"Then what do we do?" Tali asked.

"We wait," Kat said firmly. "We'll wait and see how things work out. We have enough to work with for now."

They all agreed with this, and so they moved on to the next problem- making this into an entertaining and well-acted movie.

"We don't have to worry about Artemis' acting skills." Kat said, "He's not going to be acting- he's going to just be himself. His wonderfully annoying self." She rolled her eyes.

"And Tali will be pretending to like him." Viva said.

"What will you be doing?" Tali asked both of them.

They glanced at each other, grinning.

"We'll be adding to the movie." Kat said, "Don't worry, you'll see us around. Most of the time you just have to pretend we're strangers."

"O-kay." Tali said, a little worried by the way they were grinning. But she was sure they had the movie's best interests in mind.

"This will be the best movie ever." she said, looking at their lists of equipment, outlines of scenes and calculated camera angles.

"Of course it will be." Kat said confidently. "We're making it."

**A/N: Loved it? Hated it? Let me know. Press the itsy bitsy green button V V V**


	4. The Threat

**A/N: Hello again! Here is chap 4. Someone asked if it was A/OC (and admittedly, I had to ask what that was) but yes, it will be. Anyway, this chapter is 'enter: the fairies' so it's starting to get exciting- I hope. Enjoy :)**

The next day when Tali walked into film and drama class she was immediately pushed into a corner by Kat and Viva.

"Tali, we've hit a wall." Viva said.

"What? What do you mean?"

"Well," Kat began, looking worried, an expression unusual for her. "I was thinking about the project, and I realized that normal flirting won't work with Artemis. He won't go for you just because you sexy. You need to have something in common with him, or something stupid like that. You know, interests and stuff."

Tali raised her eyebrows.

"Well, what are his interests?"

"That's the problem," Viva said, "We don't exactly know."

Tali frowned.

"I thought you guys were, like, experts on this guy?"

"Well, we kind of are," Kat said defensively, "We know he's a loser, a genius and a social retard. But we don't know much about his interests."

Tali pouted, thinking. But no solution presented itself to her.

They spent the lesson trying to guess Artemis' interests, which got less likely and more funny as the lesson progressed. By the end Artemis was an obsessive collector of rare plastic hippos, who made virtual gardens and rearranged his shoes in his spare time. They listed all these possibilities and Kat put the list in a folder she had labeled 'Operation: Destroy Artemis'.

After school they were planning on going to Artemis' school again, in the hopes of catching a glimpse of him and his plastic hippo collection. Or, if they couldn't, just seeing what his real interests were.

As they passed through town, discussing ways of finding his interests, Viva rang the dentist on her mobile phone.

"I'm just going to call the dentist and make an appointment- my mum told me to." she rolled her eyes and made the call. She had only just started speaking when her phone made a beeping noise and turned itself off.

"Stupid thing! It's out of battery!" she said.

"Here's a payphone, just go in here." Kat said, pointing to a payphone further up the street.

Viva went in to the payphone, leaving the door open. Tali and Kat stood in the doorway as Viva dialed the number on a business card.

"Hi, I called before but my phone died, I'm still wondering about the time for my dentist appointment?" she said,

"One moment please," said the receptionist, and annoying 'on-hold' music started playing.

Viva dropped the payphone, not even bothering to cover the mouth piece.

"We have to crack this guys secrets. The operation will be a complete stuff up if we can't get this." Kat said, examining her fingernails which were painted a deep orange.

"But how do we 'crack him'?" Tali asked. "Artemis Fowl is kind of secretive. It's not like we can talk to his bodyguard for information."

"What about the maid?" Viva asked. "You know, the Eurasian girl that always wears the green eye makeup. She could tell us something. We're not that much younger than she is."

Kat shrugged.

"I think she's pretty close to Artemis though. We need someone who won't tell Artemis what we're doing. It won't work if he knows what we're planning." She grinned mischievously. "Total destruction."

"What about his friends? Or just kids from his school?" Tali suggested.

Kat frowned. "I don't know about friends- doubt he has any- but random St Bartlebys kids might work."

Viva nodded and put the phone back to her ear. She rolled her eyes.

"Still on hold." she said, "Screw this, I don't have this much change."

She cancelled the call and a few coins rolled into the return box.

"This will be the best film project ever!" she said.

Hundreds of miles below the ground, Foaly received an email from the Sentinel system. It was the same program that had alerted him to Artemis' call two years previously, the call that had saved Butler's life. He still got a lot of alerts from the program, but one stood out as being unusual. Instead of the usual words, it had a name that had only recently been added to the list. Artemis Fowl.

He played the tape, listening to the voice of a human girl asking about her dentist appointment. The call was put on hold at the Irish dental clinic, and another girl started talking.

_"We have to crack this guys secrets. The operation will be a complete stuff up if we can't get this."_

_"But how do we 'crack him'? Artemis Fowl is kind of secretive. It's not like we can talk to his bodyguard for information."_

_"What about the maid? You know, the girl that always wears the green eye makeup. She could tell us something. We're not that much younger than she is."_

_"I think she's pretty close to Artemis though. We need someone who won't tell Artemis what we're doing. It won't work if he knows what we're planning. Total destruction."_

_"What about his friends? Or just kids from his school?" _

_"I don't know about friends- doubt he has any- but random St Bartlebys kids might work."_

The conversation seemed to end there, because the first girl said,

_"Still on hold. Screw this, I don't have this much change." _and disconnected.

Foaly sat back on his specially designed desk chair. Sure, it wasn't the stuff they normally followed up. There was no threat to fairy existence in this conversation. But there did seem to be a threat to Artemis Fowl. Once, Foaly would have given them the information they needed himself, but like a lot of members of the LEP, he had grown to like the annoying Mudboy. Artemis was without doubt a friend to the people. And it sounded like these people were planning to kill him. _Total destruction_. While Foaly doubted they would succeed- the girls sounded young and had Butler to contend with- if he did nothing and something happened to Artemis, he would feel terrible. And so he radioed the only officer who he knew would understand.

Holly Short was already above ground, on her way to Tara, to return to Haven. She had been surveying a human in Finland, who had been relocated after a mind wipe. Usually relocation was not necessary, especially for a human who had only caught a glimpse of a junior officer on his way to perform the ritual, but this particular human worked in a 'magic' shop, and pictures of fairies were everywhere. Although it was doubtful that these completely inaccurate images would cause recall, it was best to be on the safe side. Holly had reported that none of their original personality remained and they were settling into life in the small Finish village.

She was enjoying the feeling of flying- the wind on her visor, the slipstream tugging at her toes, the fresh surface air- when she heard Foaly's voice in her helmet earpiece.

"Holly. Before you come back down, I need you to check something."

Holly pulled up and hovered in the air.

"What is it?" she asked.

"A message from Sentinel. I know how much you love those."

Holly rolled her eyes. Last time she had responded to a Sentinel message, the outcome was not what she expected.

"Another kid on his PC?"

"No. This isn't your usual alert. It came from a phone box in Wicklow. I'm sending you the file now."

A sound file appeared on Holly's helmet. Slowly she descended, shielding as she did so. She was above the English countryside, with no humans in sight. But if she was seen, it would mean a mind wipe, and more paperwork.

She lowered herself onto a farmhouse roof, the vibrations of her shield splintering the rotting wood.

"Play." she said clearly.

"Hi, I called before but my phone died, I'm still wondering about the time for my dentist appointment?" said a voice. It was hazy with distortion, but it sounded female.

Just as Holly was wondering how this was a Sentinel alert, a different female voice spoke.

"We have to crack this guys secrets. The operation will be a complete stuff up if we can't get this."

"But how do we 'crack him'?" A third voice, still female. Three people on one end of a telephone line? "Artemis Fowl is kind of secretive. It's not like we can talk to his bodyguard for information."

"What about the maid? You know, the girl that always wears the green eye makeup. She could tell us something. We're not that much younger than she is."

"I think she's pretty close to Artemis though. We need someone who won't tell Artemis what we're doing. It won't work if he knows what we're planning. Total destruction."

"What about his friends? Or just kids from his school?"

"I don't know about friends- doubt he has any- but random St Bartlebys kids might work. We'll go there tomorrow."

There was a pause.

"Still on hold. Screw this, I don't have this much change."

The file closed automatically as it finished.

"Well?" Foaly asked.

"I don't like it. They don't sound like a threat- more like teenaged girls- but it sounds like they're planning an attack on Artemis." Holly paused, wondering if Foaly would agree with what she was suggesting. "Maybe I should go and check his house?"

"Good idea." Foaly said immediately. "Just check. If everything's fine, you can come straight back to Haven."

Holly didn't reply. She was already on her way to Wicklow, Ireland.

"Honestly Artemis," she muttered to herself, "Can't you go five minutes without getting yourself into trouble?"

**A/N: So... wdyt? (Which means 'what did you think?', for anyone that didn't know) I hope I wrote Holly okay. And Foaly. It's a lot easier to write humans, especially my OCs. But I think I did alright. Anyway, click on the little green box :)**


	5. The Start

**A/N: Sorry it took me so long to update! I hit a complete wall on this story, and I was trying to finish one of my other stories. Anyway, here is the next chapter. It was going to be longer, but I just wanted to publish it. Oh, and there's another new character. Enjoy!**

Tali, Viva and Kat entered St Bartleby's for the second time that week. The plan was to go to the library again (hopefully without running into him in the process) and see what books he was reading. After all, people read books about their interests, didn't they?

They wound their way through the corridors once again, ignoring the stares and occasional wolf-whistles from the St Bartlebys boys, except on one occasion when Kat murmured something to Tali, who wolf whistled a passing boy back, to which Kat responded loudly with,

"Tali! How many times have I told you to get your eyes checked?".

As soon as they were out of hearing range they all burst out laughing and continued to the library. Once again they went inside without question and crept between the shelves, looking around for the dark hair, pale skin and bright blue eyes. They had brought two handhold camera's to film them searching. They couldn't help giggling as they scanned the room, watching St Bartleby's boys look up in surprise.

"I don't see him," Tali hissed to Kat.

"Neither," Kat replied. "Let's go check the History section. Genius' like History, right?"

They searched the whole library but there was no sign of Artemis. They left again, feeling slightly dejected.

As they made their way back to the main gates, someone called out to Kat.

"Kat! Oi! Katarina!"

Kat spun around and slapped the guy who was chasing them down the corridor.

"What was that for?" the boy asked, holding his hand to his cheek, which was turning red as they watched.

"_Don't_ call me Katarina!" Kat said.

The boy shook his head, and then seemed to notice Viva.

"Viv! How are you?" he said. He leant forwards and kissed both her cheeks. Tali guessed by his tanned skin, dark hair and accent that he was Spanish.

"Hey Rob," Viva said, "And thanks for that reaction. I got it all on film," she held up her video camera.

"What are you doing here? And who is your new friend?" Rob asked, looking in confusion at the camera.

"Tali, this is Rob. Rob, Tali. And we're here on secret drama class business, so go back to the soccer field and leave us alone," Kat said, glaring at Rob.

Rob held up his hands.

"Sorry little kitty Kat. I was just saying hi." he turned to Tali, "Nice to meet you," he said. He leant forwards and kissed both her cheeks as well.

"You too," Tali said, kissing him back. As she pulled away from him she noticed that he didn't wear his uniform the same way most of the St. Bartlebys guys did. His white shirt was rolled up to his elbows and his tie hung loosely around his neck in an extremely seductive manner. He smiled, his straight white teeth contrasting to his dark skin. His dark hair flopped into his deep brown eyes, and he pushed it off his face with one hand. Tali found herself smiling. She was quickly beginning to like Rob.

"So, am I allowed to ask what this secret drama class business is?" he asked them.

Viva looked at Kat.

"Should we tell him Kat? He could help," she said.

Kat raised her eyebrows.

"Rob is about as helpful at making movies as a cereal box. Besides, we don't need help,"

"But he might know where Artemis is," Viva argued.

"You're looking for Artemis Fowl?" Rob asked, seemingly amazed.

Kat glared at Viva.

"Yeah," Tali said, before either of them could answer, "Do you know where he is?"

"He's gone home," Rob said, "Again." he rolled his eyes, as if Artemis did this a lot.

"Why?" Tali asked curiously.

Rob shrugged.

"I dunno. I don't talk to the kid. He doesn't talk to anyone here. All I know is, I saw him driving off in that fancy Bentley of his. His bodyguard came to pick him up yesterday afternoon when I was coming back from soccer practice. Why are you looking for him anyway?"

"We're doing a drama project and he's... one of our actors," Viva said.

"You're kidding right? Artemis is not an actor."

"Well, he doesn't _know_ he's in the movie." Viva explained.

Rob's mouth twitched into a small smile.

"Well, like I said, he's not here. You'll have to go over to his house," He seemed to lean back, watching the three girls.

Tali frowned and pouted. She turned to Kat and Viva. Kat still looked mad that they had told Rob what they were doing. Viva looked at Kat and asked, almost hesitantly.

"Should we go to Artemis' house then?"

Kat raised her eyebrows. She didn't speak for a moment, then she shrugged nonchalantly.

"Yeah, whatever," she said, "We'll go to his house. And you," she looked at Rob. "I guess if you're helping us, you better come. Viva can fill you in on the way,"

Rob smiled at her as she turned and stalked away.

"Love you too, kitty Kat." he called after her.

Tali watched Kat's fingers curl into fists, but she didn't turn around.


	6. The Entry

Artemis' reason for going home was actually a very normal and genuine one. It was his father's birthday.

His mother had organized two days of celebrations. Yesterday had been presents and different people had come around the entire day, wishing Artemis Fowl Senior a happy birthday. Today they were having a small family dinner. Juliet was in the kitchen, cooking a feast large enough to feed eight people, even though only three were eating. Butler was doing a routine patrol of the grounds and so Artemis was left alone in his study. He was touching up an artwork he had been working on before he returned to school. Unlike most of his pieces, this one was his own, completely original. He had been planning to sell it, under a different name of course, but now he thought he might keep it. Give it to his father perhaps, as a late birthday present...

He was enjoying the almost meditative state he went into when painting when he heard a quiet knock on the study door.

"Yes?" Artemis said, expecting it to be his mother, telling him to come down for dinner.

"Artemis," Butler said, walking in. "Are we expecting visitors tonight?"

Artemis looked up from the painting.

"No," he said.

"I thought not." Butler said, "There are some school kids hanging around the gate. I asked them what they were doing, and they said they had come to see you."

"Are they from St Bartlebys?" he asked. Who would come to visit him? All the other boys at his school ignored him, as he ignored them.

"One is. The others are girls. They're from the high school in Wicklow."

Girls? Girls from Wicklow High had come to see him? But who? And why?

"I'll come out and see who they are," Artemis said. He stood up, put his coat on and led the way down the stairs and out into the garden. It wasn't quiet dark yet, and Butler had a torch which he turned on. They proceeded towards the front gate.

Butler walked besides Artemis, looking around at the dark garden, searching for possible dangers. He had no idea why Artemis was insisting on coming outside to see these school kids. It was unlikely that Artemis would recognize them- he had never seen them before, and Artemis never paid any attention to his classmates. Or anyone his age.

As they got closer to the gate, the silhouettes of the four teenagers could be seen just outside.

Viva saw the bodyguard returning first.

"Shh, he's coming back!" she whispered to the others, holding up her camera but trying not to make it to obvious.

They all laughed. They'd been in hysterics since they'd started walking to Fowl Manor. They hadn't walked the whole way of course- they'd hitchhiked with some uni students for most of the way. Kat had paid them thirty dollars for the ride and two beers. The beers were warm, but they had drunk them anyway. Half a beer each wasn't enough to get them anywhere near drunk, but the combination of the alcohol and risk presented by going to Artemis' house was making them all a little crazy.

After her initial displeasure at Rob being there, Kat had quickly warmed to him. They had been friends for a long time, even dated once or twice. Kat hated the way Rob loved soccer more than any human, and Rob hated the way Kat was such a drama queen. But when they weren't fighting they were pretty close.

The size of Fowl Manor had surprised all of them- none of them had seen a larger house.

"Woah, he's rolling in it!" Kat had said as they made their way towards the gate. "If he wasn't such a jerk I'd marry him."

"You still could," Viva had replied. "Then murder him and get all his cash."

Kat had looked a little too enthusiastic about that idea.

When the bodyguard had come out they had sobered up pretty quick- he was almost as big the house. He was intimidating, but Kat had confidently requested Artemis, while Rob watched wide eyed and Viva and Tali tried not to giggle.

A little shiver ran up Viva's back as she noticed that there were two people approaching- the giant form of the bodyguard, and a much smaller, slimmer one next to him. Had Artemis Fowl actually come? If he had, it could be slightly problematic. None of them had expected him to really, they just wanted to know what his interests were, but if Artemis met Tali now, Tali wouldn't know his interests and Artemis wouldn't like her as much.

Kat seemed to realize this the same time Viva did. Glancing at each other, they grabbed Tali and pushed her behind them, hissing at her to stay quiet and hidden. Tali looked confused, but did as she was told, hiding behind the wall created by Viva, Kat and Rob's bodies.

Butler heard their laughter. They had not seemed drunk when he'd first spoken to them, but they weren't exaclty sober either. He didn't think they posed any threat to his principle, but he kept close to Artemis anyway. The tall boy looked fit, and the girl who'd spoken to him, the one with the ridiculous purple hair; there was something about her that made you think she was more dangerous than she looked.

As they got closer, one of the girls- the small one- stepped behind the others. Butler watched this with interest. The girl hadn't been worried about him seeing her, but now that Artemis came out, she wanted to be hidden.

He reached the gate and shone the torch into their faces. The brighness at their head level made the rest of their bodies seem extra dark, but he could still make out a small object that the African girl was holding in her hand.

"Hi," the girl with the purple hair said. She didn't seem bothered at all by the bright light- her black eyes seemed to absorb it, while the silver eyeshadow surronding them made them sparkle.

"I'm Kat Silver," she said confidently. "This is Viva, Tali and Rob," she didn't point out individual people, just said the names. Butler matched up the faces himself- the boy was obviously Rob, the dark girl likely to be Viva, which left the small girl, hiding behind the group, to be Tali.

Butler looked at Artemis, waiting for him to reply. He did so, his voice cold enough to power a freezer.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

Kat smiled, slowly.

Tali watched Artemis and his bodygaurd approaching from over Rob's shoulder. It was hard to see anything, he was so tall. When they got there, it was hard to see Artemis- the boyguard was shining a torch in their eyes.

Kat introduced herself and then the others. Tali understood now why she was hiding, and was glad Kat didn't point her out. When Kat had finished talking, she waited for Artemis' response.

"What are you doing here?" he asked them. His voice sent cold shivers through her. She'd never heard anyone so frosty.

Kat paused, and Tali could feel an elaborate cover story coming. After all, Kat was an actress. Tali hoped Viva was getting all this on film. Because she had a feeling this was the kind of thing you'd want to see again.

"Well," Kat began, "Our friend Tali is new at our school, Wicklow High. And it's a small school, compared with yours, I mean. There's not a huge amount of seriously acedemic people. But Tali is really into computers and stuff, and she's always talking about computers and hardrives and Apple's latest model and we're all like 'Tali, shut up! Gp find someone who cares!' But no one at Wicklow High really does care about computers, and so Tali inflicts her tech talk on us all the time. I mean, we love her, but she is incredibly annoying, you know what I mean? So we were visiting Rob, at his school, and Tali launches into a story about her new software or something, and Rob says, 'Go tell Artemis Fowl, he'll know what you're talking 'bout'. So we go to find you, and discover you've come home. And Tali was super disappointed, weren't you Tals? And so we thought we'd come see you, and beg you to talk computers with Tali and get it out of her system so we don't have to endure it."

Viva couldn't help smiling as she listened to Kat's story. She knew Kat was making this up completely on the spot. It was a safe bet that Artemis did like computers- he was a nerd, after all. And maybe if Tali did talk to him, they could find out some other interests, which Tali could also pretend to share. This had actually worked out okay. Now they just had to wait for Artemis' reaction.

Artemis didn't normally feel threatened by people his age. Not really threatened anyway- none of them were going to pull out guns and start shooting at him. But there was something about a group of four young people that made him feel... not scared, exactly, and there was no way he was intimidated (their IQs couldn't be a quarter of his), but he did feel something. Worried, perhaps. And so, when he spoke to them, he tried to make them worried. It didn't seem to work. The girl at the front, who had introuced herself as Kat, simply smiled after his coldest voice. And then launched into a long story about one of the other girls called Tali. He had absolutely no interest in talking to this girl about computers. He gussed that Tali was the one at the back, and she didn't look like she knew what a computer was. So what was their real reason for being here?

He was about to reply- to tell them to get off his property and back where they'd come from- when he heard a voice calling him.

"Artemis? Butler? What are you doing?"

Artemis stiffened. His mother.

"What are you two doing out here? Dinner's almost ready." Angeline Fowl asked as she approached them. She caught sight of the four teenagers on the other side of the gate.

"Oh! Hello! I'm Angeline Fowl, Artemis' mother. Are you friends from school?" she asked them.

Angeline knew that Artemis never had friends visit him from school, but that didn't stop her being delighted that some had come- _and_ three of them were girls. Slightly odd looking girls, but girls nonetheless.

Her son opened his mouth to reply, but the purple-haired girl at the front spoke first.

"Yeah, we're Artemis' friends. We just came to talk to him, but if you guys are having a family dinner..."

"Oh, how nice!' Angeline said happily. "Artemis, don't let your guests just stand outside the gate. Invite them inside, there's plenty of food, you can all join us for dinner..."

"Guests?" Artemis stared at his mother. "Join us?"

But Angeline was already instructing Butler to open the gates. The four teens filed in, smiled politely at her.

"Come inside, come inside, dinner will be ready in a minute. What were your names...?"

She continued to chatter to them as they all walked towards the door.

Artemis was left standing at the gate, still staring at his mother as she led complete strangers into his house.

"Guests?" he repeated.

"I think your mother is rather enthusiastic about the idea of you having friends." Butler observed.

"But they... they're..." There it was again- one of those weird occasions when he was lost for words. "They're teenagers!"

"Like you, you mean."

"No! My IQ is at least four times theirs! And they are _not_ welcome in my house!"

Butler chuckled as Artemis stormed off towards the house. This was going to be interesting...


	7. The Dinner

Kat followed Angeline Fowl into Fowl Manor, grinning. She felt like applauding herself. How many total strangers could get themselves and three other people into Fowl Manor through the front door? Not many, she was guessing.

Angeline led them through a grand entrance hall and into a dining room. Thick tapestries hung from the walls and a large dining table made of dark wood sat in the centre of the room. Just one of the napkins on the table would cost more than the contents of Kat's entire dining room. She resisted the urge to scowl at the wastage. Viva had put the camera in the pocket of her woolen cardigan- Kat could see the lens poking through the fabric. Viva put her hand in her pocket and subtly moved it to point at Angeline as she spoke. Kat allowed herself a victorious smile. This was going well.

A man entered the room, dressed in a clean cut suit. He walked with a slight limp. Kat knew at once he was Artemis' father- they had very similar faces, except for one large difference. Artemis' father was wearing an expression Kat had never seen on Artemis- a carefree, relaxed smiled.

"We have guests," Angeline informed him quickly. "This is Kat, Tali, Rob and Viva," she pointed to each of them as she said their names.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Artemis Senior. Are you friends of Arty's?"

Kat was careful not to smirk at Artemis' pet name.

"Not really," she said. She had come up with the original cover story and it was her responsibility to answer any questions from now on. "In fact, we've never met properly. But we really wanted to meet Artemis because Tali is really into computers and wanted to, you know, talk tech with him." She smiled innocently.

Artemis Senior seemed convinced. "That's great. Where is Arty?"

Artemis chose that moment to walk in, flanked by the buff guy that Angeline called 'Butler'. He looked absolutely appalled by all of them being in his house. He would probably order someone to steam clean the carpets when they left, Kat thought bitterly.

"Artemis, entertain your friends. I'm going to go and ask Juliet to set another four places." Angeline said, walking through a door of the dining room.

Artemis stared at her like she was insane. His father glanced at him, and said,

"Ah, Butler? Could you come with me for a moment, we should, um, check the security cameras, and leave Arty with his friends."

Butler looked confused but Artemis Senior nodded and the two men left the room. Artemis watched them go in horror, and then turned his stare on his unwanted guests. There was an awkward silence.

"So, Artemis," Viva began, carefully pulling her cardigan around her so the camera was facing him. "Is there an occasion for this dinner?"

Not the best conversation starter ever, but with Artemis Fowl it wasn't easy.

"Yes," Artemis answered stiffly. "It's my father's birthday."

"Oh. Cool." Viva replied.

Artemis stared at them for a moment longer before saying,

"So what are you doing here?"

Tali decided that she better say something- it was unlikely that she'd make a good impression on Artemis if he thought she was a mute.

"Like Kat said, I wanted to, um, discuss computers with you." she said.

Artemis raised one eyebrow. The girl obviously didn't know a thing about computers.

Kat casually walked over to the wall and began examining the tapestry. Rob glanced between Artemis and the three girls, wondering why the hell he'd come.

"Computers?" Artemis repeated. "You came all the way out here at this time of night to talk to me, a total stranger, about computers."

Kat stiffened. How dare he question her cover story! She moved around the room, examining each tapestry and pretending not to listen to the conversation.

"Yeah," Tali said, trying to be convincing. "I'm really into them."

She wasn't actually into computers at all- she only used her computer to download music and send emails.

"Oh really? And what sort of computer do you have?" Artemis asked coldly.

"Oh, I've got a, um..." Tali glanced behind Artemis at Kat, who have moved along the wall and was standing behind him. She was furiously miming biting into something... "An Apple." Tali said.

"An Apple. What model?"

"Oh, the latest one, of course. You know, the, oh, I've forgotten the name..."

Her mother had an Apple, she remembered now. A little white laptop. She called it a...

"A MacBook. The latest MacBook."

Artemis raised his eyebrows again. He didn't seem to be buying her cover story. Luckily he didn't get the chance to question her further about her MacBook, because at that moment Angeline returned, followed by the Eurasian girl.

"Just put them here, here, here, and here Juliet." Angeline said to the girl, pointing to places at the table.

Juliet set four extra places where Angeline had indicated.

"Dinner will be ready in a minute," she said brightly and returned to the kitchen.

"Sit down, sit down," Angeline said.

Artemis Senior returned and sat at the head of the table. Angeline sat to his left, Artemis to his left. Butler stood behind Artemis protectively. Kat made sure that Tali sat next to Artemis.

"Happy Birthday Sir," Viva said to Artemis Senior. "Artemis told us."

"Oh, thank you," Artemis Senior said, smiling at Viva.

Juliet emerged with a large quantity of plates. She placed them all down on the table.

"So, you girls go to Wicklow Secondary?" Angeline asked them.

"Yeah," Viva said.

"And you go to St Bartlebys with Artemis, Rob?"

Ron nodded. "Yeah, we're in the same year. We've never really been friends though."

Artemis made a face of distaste. Neither of his parents noticed.

"Are you a sports man Rob? You look like you're in shape." Artemis Senior asked.

"Yeah, I play a bit of soccer," Rob replied. He turned to Artemis. "Do you play any sport, Artemis?"

Artemis looked at Rob like he was insane. Angeline laughed.

"No, Arty's never really been into sports, have you Arty?"

"No, I have better things to do with my time." Artemis said icily.

"So what subjects are you all doing at school?" Angeline asked, quickly changing the subject.

"Oh, the usual ones," Kat said, "English and History and Math and things. And Drama. We all do Drama."

Viva and Tali both glanced at her warningly, but Kat looked relaxed and none of the Fowl's had reacted to her comment.

"That's nice. Do you enjoy it?" Angeline asked.

"Oh yes, we do such fun projects," Kat said, "You really learn a lot about people."

Viva kicked her under the table. Kat got the hint and stopped talking.

They finished the main course and dessert arrived. Artemis was beginning to think this horrible dinner would never end. He wished he could get a message to Butler to make some excuse for him to leave the table. He would rather be in his study, finishing his painting or devising schemes to get his hands on large amounts of gold.

Holly landed outside Fowl Manor. Lights were on in most of the windows. She just had to get close enough to see Artemis. If he was okay, then she would return to Haven.

She flew to one of the higher windows, shielding as she did so. The room she looked in to seemed to be his parents bedroom. It was empty. She flew to the next room. A study, also empty.

When she had determined that the whole top floor was empty, she went to the bottom. She flew to the kitchen window. Juliet was in there, washing up dishes. If she was washing up, then chances were the Fowls had just eaten dinner. She flew to the next window. Sure enough, Artemis was sitting in the dining room, next to his father and across from his mother, Butler standing guard behind him. But who were the other humans? Three girls and a boy, all sitting at the Fowls dining table like they lived there. Three girls...

Staying shielded, Holly put a small recording device against the window. It picked up the vibrations from the voices in the room. She made sure it had picked up on the girls conversation, and then she flew away from the window and perched herself on the roof. She turned off her shield so the vibrations didn't shake lose to tiles, and radioed Foaly.

"Yes Holly? Have you checked on our mudman?" Foaly's voice said in her ear.

"Yeah, he seems safe. But do you still have that audio file?"

"Yeah got it right here."

"See if this is a voice match then. I'm sending you the file now."

She sent him the recording she had just made. She heard Foaly receive the file and open it. A moment later, the centaur replied,

"Positive voice match."

"Okay," Holly said. "The three girls who were plotting to kill Artemis are now having dinner with him. What do I do?"

"There's nothing you can do. You can't enter the house without being invited, and Artemis doesn't know you're there."

Holly frowned. She couldn't just leave when Artemis' killers were in his house. How they planned to kill him, she didn't know. Especially with Butler standing right there. Why did they want to destroy Artemis anyway? They were teenaged girls.

"I'm going to wait and see what they do," she said.

"Okay, but Holly, be careful. Don't put yourself in danger."

Holly grinned.

"When have I ever done that?"


	8. The Invisible Assistant

**A/N: Sorry this chapter took so long! I have been on holidays, and once again was sent to a horrible place without internet access! Admittedly, it was the snow, and therefore good fun, but still, I feel bad for not iupdating in so long. Hope this chapter makes up for it :) _Lots_ of Holly, so enjoy.**

After dinner, the Fowls and their guests retired to the lounge for coffee. Tali and Viva both had hot chocolates. Kat had been a caffeine addict since the age of ten and had an extremely strong coffee. Rob didn't drink caffeine if it wasn't in a sports drink, and so he had hot water.

"You girls and Rob should catch up with Artemis more often. It's so nice to see you with other... young people." Angeline said, looking at her son fondly.

Artemis made a face. His parents didn't notice. Butler did and hid his smile.

"Yeah, I think we'll be seeing _a lot_ more of Artemis," Kat said, smiling at Artemis Senior and Angeline. She turned to Artemis, "When do you and Rob break up for holidays?" she asked sweetly.

Artemis didn't smile. "In a week." he said stiffly. "But I'm afraid I will be... occupied."

All the girls- completely unrehearsed- made a face of disappointment. Angeline frowned.

"How will you be occupied Arty?"

"I thought we would be going traveling," Artemis said, "As a family." he added quickly.

"No, I was planning on spending time at the Manor." Artemis Senior said. "You can spend time with your new friends."

Artemis stared at his parents in horror. Friends? These four imbeciles were now classified as his _friends_?

"Awesome. We'll see you a bit before then though." Kat said.

She made a show of looking at her watch, or watches. She had four- two on each wrist.

"Look at the time!" she said, pretending to be surprised. "We better be going. Thank you so much for dinner."

Outside, Holly watched as the four guests said thank you to all the Fowls and left Fowl Manor. Staying high and shielded, she followed them down the road leading back into the main town of Wicklow.

They were all talking and laughing loudly. They didn't sound like assassins- more like normal teenagers.

"Did you see his face?" one girl was saying. She had done most of the talking all night. "He so hated us being there."

"It was pretty funny really," another girl said.

"It was freaking hilarious. And Tali with her apple." She laughed.

"Well couldn't you have done something more helpful then biting into something?"

The conversation continued as they walked along the road. Eventually they reached the outskirts of town. Holly was getting frustrated. These were the same girls who had been planning to destroy Artemis- now they were just laughing about his shoes. What was going on?

"Did you get it all on film Viv?"

"Yeah, I think so. I'll get in on the computer and check it when I get home."

"Awesome. This is going to be so good. I can't wait to destroy him." the first girl said.

Holly's eyes widened. She listened hard for more information, but she didn't get any. One of the girls stopped walking.

"This is my street guys. I'll see you tomorrow." she said. It was the girl who had complained about the apple. Her name was something like Tally or Tilly...

"Well get a good sleep. We have completed the first step, we have to move on to the second." replied one of the other girls.

The girl laughed and started walking along the dark street alone, while the group kept going. The street lamps were spaced far apart, with long gaps of darkness inbetween. Holly descended in the shadows and stopped right in the girls path. The girl was average height, with short blonde hair and tanned skin. Coloured bangles clinked on her wrists as she walked down the deserted street.

Holly unshielded when the girl was just a few metres from her, in the shadows between the light. The girl stopped in her tracks, dark eyes widening.

"It's okay. Don't be afraid." Holly said, voice laced with the hypnotic _mesmer_.

The girl looked unconvinced.

"There's nothing to worry about." Holly said, putting another layer into her voice. "You are not in danger."

The girl's posture relaxed and she nodded, a small smile forming on her lips.

"What do you want?" she asked lazily.

"I just want to ask you some questions." Holly said. "Come with me."

The girl nodded and Holly led her further into the shadows. There was a small park nearby- the rusting swing set and and see-saw making long shadows. Holly walked into a thick clump of trees at the very back of the park. The girl joined her.

"What's your name?" Holly asked.

"Tali." the girl replied, still wearing the same sleepy smile.

"Okay Tali. Where you at Artemis Fowl's house tonight?"

"Yes."

"What were you doing there?"

Tali giggled. "Having dinner. With Kat and Viva and Rob. Viva got it all on film."

Holly was confused.

"On film? Why did you film the dinner?"

Tali giggled again. "For our movie. It's a secret."

"You can tell me. I won't tell anyone." Holly said, adding another layer of _mesmer_.

"Not even Artemis?"

"Of course not."

"Our movie's called," Tali paused for another giggle. "How To Make Artemis Fowl Fall In Love."

She began to laugh, much too loudly. "Kat had the idea. She doesn't like Artemis very much." Her laughter became hysterical. "She doesn't like him at all. She wants to destroy his ego by making him fall in love."

"Stop laughing." Holly commanded, looking around to check that no one had heard them and come to investigate.

Tali's laughter stopped abruptly. Holly stared at her in amazement, almost laughing herself. Everything she had heard made sense- the girls weren't trying to destroy Artemis at all, they were just using him to make their movie. Destroy his ego... they'd have a tough time doing that. And making Artemis fall in love would be impossible...

"Who is he going to fall in love with?" Holly asked.

"Who?" Tali asked, looking confused.

"Artemis. Who are you going to make Artemis fall in love with?"

Tali muffled her laughter by jamming a fist in her mouth.

"Me." she burst out quickly, and started laughing uncontrollably again.

Holly smiled. Artemis was safe- well, as safe as you could be when three teenaged girls were planning to ruin his sense of self importance. It was unlikely they'd succeed without assistance.

She smiled wickedly.

"Foaly?" she spoke into her mouthpiece. "Have you been listening to this?"

She heard the centaur's laughter and imagined himself falling off his specially designed chair. Which wasn't that unlikely.

"I'm listening Holly. This is the most entertaining this I've listened to in a long time."

"Yeah, it was a false alarm. What do you think of their chances?"

"It's Mission Impossible 4. Why?"

"Well, I was just thinking..." Holly said, "Maybe they could use some help?"

"Holly, are you serious? You do realize was you're suggesting."

"Come on, Artemis wouldn't be in any danger. It might actually be good for him."

"But how do you plan to help the humans? You can't keep them under the _mesmer_ the entire time."

Holly sighed. Foaly was right- there was no way of her helping the girls. Which was a pity, because she was beginning to like them.

"Maybe... they wouldn't have to know." she said.

"What?"

"I could be their invisible assistant. Not have any contact with them, just... influence the project to make sure they succeed."

She heard Foaly sigh. "Clearly you have too much time on your hands."

"You can talk." Holly replied.

The centaur paused.

"Okay, go for it. It's not my problem. Just don't.. do anything you shouldn't."

There was another pause.

"I'm waiting." he said.

"Why should I thank you for giving me permission for something I'd probably do anyway?"

"No, I'm not expecting thanks, even though I _am_ criminally unappreciated. Normally before you do things like this you try to get me to help you, and when I tell you not to do things you shouldn't you usually make a joke about _always_ doing _exactly_ what you should do."

Holly grinned. "I don't think I'm going to need help with this one. But I'll keep you on the line."

"Well, I don't know, I'm very busy at the moment..." Foaly began.

Holly disconnected.

She turned back to Tali, who was still giggling quietly.

"You never saw me." she said, her voice thick again with the _mesmer_. "Go home. Don't mention seeing me to anyone."

Tali nodded. Holly shielded and shot into the air. She hovered above Tali's street as the girl walked to her house and let herself in. She smiled. This was going to be fun.


	9. The Cover Story

**A/N: I have not updated for _ages_, but I really enjoyed writing this chapter, so hopefully that's a sign that it's good. Enjoy :)**

The computer nerds of Wicklow Secondary were shocked the next day to see Kat, Viva and Tali in the computer labs. The three girls ignored the nervous glances from boys in thick glasses with buck teeth and concentrated on the screen, which was showing a very slow moving download bar.

"These computers are _so_ slow!" Kat complained.

"If I have to do all the editing on one of these, we won't be done until Christmas." Viva said.

Tali frowned and pouted. "I bet St Bartlebys have fast computers." she said.

"And?" said Kat.

"Rob'll let us use one. We'll go there after school."

They all agreed that this was a good idea. They cancelled the download and went outside. The weather was nice, and so they sat in the sun and Kat pulled out her folder 'Operation: Destroy Artemis'.

"Okay, we have completed step one, Tali Meets Artemis." she said, doing a large red tick next to the words. "Now we have to do the second."

"Flirt with Artemis." Viva said.

Tali made a face.

"I know, I know, it's an unpleasant idea, but you'll just have to suffer for your art." Kat said.

"But it will be so much hard work," Tali complained. "Did you see him last night? He won't respond to_ anything._"

"You'll be fine." Viva said. "Even Artemis Fowl has something that he finds attractive. We just need to find out what that is."

They were all silent for a moment, wondering what it was that Artemis liked in girls.

"He probably likes smart girls. But not as smart as him, so he can feel superior." Kat mused.

"And girls that appreciate music and art and books and stuff." Viva added.

"Pretty, but not, like, model kind of pretty." Kat continued.

"Strong, independent kind of girls."

"But still sort of like his mum. You know, obedient wife types."

"Ambitious. Knows what they want."

"And knows how to get it."

"Not overly into social sort of stuff."

"More interested in their personal goals."

"Clothes that aren't too over the top."

"Hair that's simple, nothing extravagant..."

"Alright!" Tali said. "Enough. You're giving me a headache."

Kat frowned. "Did you want me to write it all down?"

"I can't be that kind of girl!" Tali said. "I can't be smart and ambitious and strong and obedient and I can't appreciate books and art and music and not care about my social life and I can't wear boring clothes and hair and... and do all that other stuff too!"

"No, I think that just about sums it up." Viva said.

"But that's not me," Tali said. "I can't become someone I'm not."

"You don't have to," Kat said. "Only when you're around Artemis. And only for a little while. Until the movie's finished."

Tali sighed loudly and frowned. Kat patted her shoulder consolingly.

"Don't worry Tali, it'll be easy. Trust me."

Tali raised her eyebrows. As much as she liked Kat, _trusting_ Kat was not an easy thing to do.

She was still complaining when they entered St Bartlebys that afternoon.

"Honestly Tali, if I knew you were going to be so difficult, I would have found someone else." Kat said, exasperated.

Tali looked at her.

"Who else would be crazy enough to spend this much time with you?"

"Point taken." Kat said.

The three girls made their way to the soccer field, where they were sure Rob would be. They were not disappointed. Rob was on the field with fifteen other boys. They were training- dribbling the ball, jogging up and down, and doing various other exercises. Tali watched appreciatively as a shirtless Rob took control of the ball, dribbled it down the field and then kicked it past the goalie and into the goals. The other boys cheered.

Kat rolled her eyes.

"Show off," she said.

Viva smiled knowingly and called out,

"Rob!"

Rob looked around, caught sight of the girls and jogged over.

"Hey, what are you guys doing here?" he asked them.

"Well the computers at our school are prehistoric, so we were wondering if we could use one of yours?" Viva asked.

"Yeah, sure. Just go up to the computer labs, no one will care. If any teacher asks you what you're doing, just pretend to be exchange students or something," Rob said. "You go through the main doors, up the stairs-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Kat said dismissively. "Get back to your game."

Rob grinned and jogged back on to the field, shaking his head.

They made their way up to the computer labs. No one questioned them, so they sat down at one of the shiny silver monitors and plugged in the camera. The download was finished in less than a minute, and they opened the files to watch.

"Okay, so we're going to Fowl Manor, blah, blah, blah..." Viva said, fast forwarding through the footage.

"Ooh, here's my cover story. I wanna watch this." Kat said.

The footage was poor quality- made worse by the dark- but they could see Artemis' giant bodyguard standing next to the smaller form of Artemis. Artemis was sneering at them, while the bodyguard's face remained totally passive.

_"Well, our friend Tali is new at our school, Wicklow Secondary. And it's a small school, compared with yours, I mean. There's not a huge amount of seriously acedemic people. But Tali is really into computers and stuff..."_ They all laughed listening to Kat's ridiculous story again.

"And then here comes Angeline," Viv murmured.

They watched Angeline come out and invite them inside. The lens became obstructed when Viva put the camera in her pocket, but they could still see Artemis' face- his expression a mix of horrified, appalled, disgusted and scared shitless.

During the dinner the camera was obstructed by the table as well. The angle meant they could see Tali at some times and Artemis at others. They all giggled as they listened to the dinner conversation.

_"So what subjects are you all doing at school?" Angeline asked from off screen. _

_"Oh, the usual ones," Kat's voice replied. "English and History and Math and things. And Drama. We all do Drama."_

"You were a dickhead saying that," Viva commented. "You freaked me out."

"Relax, it was fine, see." Kat replied as Angeline said,

_ "That's nice. Do you enjoy it?"_

_"Oh yes, we do such fun projects," Kat said, "You really learn a lot about people."_

The camera jolted as Viva kicked Kat under the table. As the camera steadied, they caught one glimpse on Artemis' bored face, and the slightly suspicious face of the bodyguard behind him...

"Wait! Rewind!" Tali said.

Viva rewinded and pressed play again.

The camera jolted once more, and then steadied.

"Pause," Tali said.

Viva paused it, and they all stared at Butler's face, and then at each other.

"Do you think...?" Viva left the question hanging.

"He couldn't be," Kat said. "One little comment like that?"

"But look at him. He knows something." Tali said, staring hard at the man's face. Throughout the meal his face had remained passive, but here his brow was furrowed, eyebrows drawn together, eyes staring hard at the three girls.

"Look, don't worry about him," Kat said. "He can't possibly know what we're doing, even if he does suspect. And the Fowls love us- well, most of them do. It's not like this will ruin our plans. We just have to keep our cool. Okay?"

"What are you doing here?"

All three of them spun around at the familiar icy tone. Artemis Fowl stood in the doorway of the computer lab, a frown on his pale face. How much had he heard?

"Um..." Kat said, for once, lost for words.

"Making party invitations," Tali said quickly.

Artemis raised one eyebrow.

"Making party invitations?" he repeated.

"Well, yeah," Tali said, "On this new program I found out about- Event Planner 3000."

"I see," Artemis said, looking at them down his nose. "And why am I being mentioned in your party planning conversation?"

_Shit!_ Tali thought. He'd heard the bit about the Fowls, and everything after that. But anything before? She decided to assume not.

"Well, we wanted to invite you," she improvised. "It's going to be an awesome party. But... the venue's really far away from your house, and so we thought that might be a problem. Especially because it's going to rain that day, and you might not want to walk in the rain. But, like Kate was saying, you could probably get driven to the party, and so the rain and the far-away venue won't really ruin our plans, so long as we keep cool and stay indoors."

All three of them watched, barely breathing, to see if Artemis bought the story. He still looked annoyed and arrogant, but he didn't question it. Success!

"I have no interest it attending a party," he said. "Now if you will excuse me I have work to do." He walked to the other side of the room and sat down at a computer. Viva unplugged the camera and the girls hurried out of the room. They quickly left the school. Once they were outside the gate, they slowed down to a leisurely walk.

"Nice work Tali," Kay congratulated her. "The Event Planner 3000 thing was priceless."

"It's a real program," Tali told her. "I was researching computer stuff on the internet last night. Figured that if I had to talk to Artemis, I better know a bit more."

"Wow, dedication." Viva said, impressed.

"Lucky he didn't want to go the party," Tali said.

"Why?" Kat asked.

"Um, because there isn't one?"

Kat laughed.

"Tali, a party is an awesome idea! Of course they'll be one. We just need to get it organized in time for next weekend."

"Next weekend?" Viva asked. "But we need to book a venue- somewhere far from Artemis' house- and invite people and get food and music, and there's the obvious problem of getting Artemis to go in the first place-"

"Chill, Viv," Kat said. "It'll be easy. Trust me."

Unknown to the three girls, someone was listening to their conversation. High overhead, a shielded Holly Short hovered. She smiled at their comments. A party. A new experience for Artemis, no doubt. And she agreed with Kat- a very good idea. Of course, there was the problem of getting Artemis there. The girls didn't seem bothered, but Holly knew that getting Artemis Fowl to do something he didn't want to do wasn't easy. Still, she suspected she could be of assistance.

**A/N: Worth the wait?**


	10. The Shopping Expedition

**A/N: A super quick update because I love this story at the moment :)**

Thursday morning found Kat, Viva and Tali on a bus, heading out of Wicklow.

"I don't know why we couldn't wait for the weekend," Tali complained. "We have all holidays to go shopping."

"We're not shopping, we're buying things for our drama project. So technically, it's schoolwork." Kat said.

Tali rolled her eyes. "My mum'll kill me if she finds out I skipped school."

Kat laughed. "C'mon Tali, walk on the wild side." she said.

Viva was busy putting a new tape in the camcorder.

"And, we're on the bus, going to buy party supplies," she said, pointing the camera at Kat and Tali. "What are we buying?" she asked them in an interview-esque voice.

"Well, we're buying some absolutely _killer_ outfits," Kat said."And _huge_ amounts of junk food. And something if we get thirsty," she smiled mischievously and pulled her fake ID out of her pocket, flashing it at the camera.

"We can't put that in the movie," Viva said. "We're showing it to Mr. Lucemberto, remember?"

"Whatever," Kat said, putting the ID away.

Viva rolled her eyes and turned the camera to focus on Tali. "What are you buying Tali?"

"Well, apparently, I need to buy an Artemis-attracting-outfit," she glared at Kat, who shrugged innocently. "Which will probably be some horrible, ugly thing. And then of course we need to find us a venue."

"That'll be easy," Kat said confidently. "There's heaps of places in Leinster. We'll find somewhere."

They reached their destination- the biggest mall in a 100 kilometer radius of Wicklow Secondary. It wasn't actually that big, but it would do.

"Okay, let's go." Kat said, and they all marched it.

"We'll start with clothes," Viv said, panning the camera around the mall.

"Yep," Tali agreed, "And Viv, you don't have to film absolutely everything."

"You never know what might be important later," Viv said defensively. "All our planning needs to be documented."

They headed for the girls clothes section. Tali smiled, in her element. Shopping was her second favourite activity. After acting, of course.

"Tali is our priority, so we'll do her first," Kat said. "Do you think Artemis will like... this?" she pulled a hideous orange shirtdress of the rack.

Tali baulked. "First of all, Artemis won't like orange, second of all, Artemis won't like shirt dresses and third of all, I wouldn't be seen dead in that!"

Kat sighed. "Fine, you find one then."

Viva smiled and flicked through the outfits.

"What colour do you think?" she asked.

"We can worry about colour later. The style's more important." Tali replied.

"Okay, what style then?"

Tali pouted. She flicked through the dresses, but nothing looked good.

"What about something more traditional?" she said.

"What, like a ball gown?"

"No, not a ball gown. Just... something simple."

Tali wandered between the racks, searching.

"What exactly are we looking for?" Kat asked.

"I'll know it when I see it," she replied.

And then she saw it. A simple, pretty dress that was just above knee length, sleeveless and gathered at the bottom. The colour was an oddly familiar blue.

"Found it," Tali called. Kat and Viva hurried over.

"What do you think?" Tali asked, finding her size and holding it up against herself.

"It's nice. Pretty. Artemis will like it." Viva said approvingly.

Kat stared at it.

"It's a nice colour," she commented. "I feel like I've seen that blue before. Do I have something in that colour?"

"No," Viv replied. She knew Kat's entire wardrobe by heart.

"I think I've the colour before as well," Tali said. "Don't know were though."

Kat stared at the dress for a moment longer, and then blinked and said,

"Well, Viv and I have to find dresses, and then we'll all go and try 'em on."

"Okay, ready?" Viv called from outside the change room.

"Ready." Kat replied.

"Okay, one, two, three!" Viva said.

Kat threw back the curtain and stepped out of the change room.

"What do you think?" she asked as she posed like a model while Viv filmed.

The dress she'd picked was short and strapless, and covered in reflective sequins. The whole think glittered when she moved.

"It looks great," Tali said. She sat next to Viva in her dress, having already modeled it. She loved it, and was surprised that she'd found something nice that Artemis might like. If he liked anything, that was...

"Okay, my turn," Viv said, handing the camera to Tali. Kat sauntered over and sat next to Tali on the waiting stool.

A moment later, Viv called out, "Okay, ready!"

"One, two, three!" Tali and Kat yelled in unison.

Viv emerged in a flowing white dress that looked beautiful on her skin.

"Wow Viv, you look amazing!" Kat said.

"Don't sound so surprised." Viva joked.

They took their dresses and heading off to the food section. Kat got a trolley, which Tali prompted sat in.

They went up and down the aisles, throwing in chips, lollies, cupcakes and soft drink. Tali held up the dresses to stop them getting squashed, squealing as packets of food rained down on her.

One of the aisles had recently been mopped. Pushing aside the 'Caution: Wet Floor' sign, Kat and Viva took a run up and slide down the aisle, crashing into the shelves on the other end. They ran off as they heard store attendants approaching.

At the checkout, the woman appraised them critically.

"Shouldn't you be at school?" she asked them.

Kat looked at her innocently. "We're doing a school project."

"Really," the woman replied, unconvinced. "And what project would that be?"

"We're doing a study into the friendliness of store staff." Kat said brightly.

The woman scowled. They paid quickly and left.

"Next stop, the party venue," Kat said.

They all headed to the best known one- a big building used for all sorts of functions, just out of the town.

The place wasn't booked for Saturday night, and so they made a booking with the friendly man on the desk.

"How many people are you expecting to attend?" he asked them pleasantly. "We have a maximum of two hundred."

"That should be fine," Kat said. "We won't be having more than one hundred and ninety-nine."

The man smiled and laughed.

"Okay, the venue's your from seven to two." he said.

They paid and thanked him.

"Are we going home now?" Tali asked as they left the building.

"One more thing to do," Kat said.

They headed back into town and went to the local bottle shop. Kat browsed through the aisles confidently, picking out vodka, beer and mixed drinks. She took all of it up to the counter. A bottle of extremely expensive champagne was advertised behind the man's head.

"We'll have one of those as well please," she said.

"Kat!" Viva hissed, "We can't afford that!"

"Chill, I've got it covered." Kat whispered back.

"Can I see some ID please?" the grumpy-looking man said.

Kat handed over her fake ID. The man examined it, and the passed it back, satisfied.

"That'll be $110," he said.

Kat handed over a credit card. Viva knew it wasn't hers, but she didn't say anything. In truth, she didn't blame Kat for stealing from her dad. It wasn't like her dad ever bought her anything, or even cared about her at all.

Kat signed the receipt and they took a bag each. Laden down with their shopping, they made their way back to the bus stop.

"Well that was fun!" Kat said happily.

"We just need to invite everyone, and hope that Artemis comes, and then we can commence Stage 2." Tali said. She made a face.

"Don't worry Tali. You're an actress. You can do anything." Kat said.

Tali smiled. It was true. Pretending to like Artemis would be no problem. Not for her.

**A/N: I forgot to say last chapter- reviewer who calls themselves Bob, a while ago you reviewed and said this was 'the best Mary-sue story ever written'. Is this a compliment or an insult. because i know that no one likes mary-sue stories, but you said it was the best mary-sue story, and you had been complimentry of my story previously. please review and tell me if you like the story or not, because i am very confused. thank you!**

**Treegirl**


	11. The Invitation

**A/N: Well, I'm back from holidays, so you have permission to expect more chapters more frequently. But in the meantime, tell me what you think of this one**

By Friday morning, the party plans were complete. The venue was booked, the music had been arranged, food and drink was in large supply. Kat, Viva and Tali entered the main school building of Wicklow Secondary, armed with a pile of invitations each.

"I'll take the middle level," Kat said. "Viva, you take bottom, Tali, you top."

Tali and Viva nodded and they moved out.

Everyone was standing at their lockers. Tali walked down the corridors, handing the invites to anyone that passed her, sticking them on lockers, notice boards and walls. On the two levels below her, Kat and Viv were doing the same thing. Tali reached the main staircase. Leaning over the bannister, she threw a pile of invites over the edge. People reached out to grab them as they fluttered down.

"Nice work Tals," she heard Kat's voice call from below.

Tali grinned. They estimated that about 100 Wicklow people would show up. Now to make up the other 99.

"Of course I can find 100 people to go to a party," Rob sounded almost offended at Kat's question as they sat in the stands, overlooking St Bartlebys soccer field.

"Not 100. 98," Kat corrected. "I promised the guy we'd be having a small party of 199, and we've got the 199th guy covered."

Rob looked confused for a moment, then he groaned.

"You're not still making that movie thing are you?"

Their faces answered his question.

"Come on, you were there at that stupid dinner you made me go to. The kid's not interested."

"Maybe not. But he will be." Kat said. "Trust me, when he sees Tali, he won't be able to resist."

Rob rolled his eyes at them.

"Anyway, you'll hand out these, right?" Tali asked, indicating the pile of invitations sitting between them.

"Yeah, sure, no problem," Rob said. "Most of our year level will show up. I'll try and make sure no juniors get invites."

"Cool," Kat said, standing up. "In that case, we have a delivery to make."

Kat's extremely good memory combined with her sense of direction meant that finding Artemis' room was easy. They reached it and knocked loudly. There was no reply, and they smiled. This was what they'd been hoping for.

Viva reached out and tried the handle. It was locked.

"Damn," he said. "Now what do we do?"

Kat shrugged. "Drug him and steal the key?"

Tali pouted. "What about..." she trailed off. "Come with me."

They followed her to the end of the hall. Glass double doors led out to a balcony. Standing on the balcony, they could count the windows to Artemis' room.

"There's a ledge, see, and you could hold on to the window sill," Tali explained.

"Are you crazy? We're three floors up!" Viva said.

"Relax, I won't fall," Tali said. She went to the railing and swung herself over, and then stepped down on to the ledge.

"Wait!" Viv said. "You gotta take my cameras!"

"And the invite. That's the whole reason you're there," Kat said.

Carefully they passed everything to Tali, who put the invite and the equipment into the many pockets of her bright red trench coat.

"Okay, I'll be back soon," she said. She started edging along the wall.

"What are you doing here!"

Tali froze and looked around. But the question was not directed at her. A stern faced man was addressing Kat and Viva.

"We're just visiting a friend," Kat said casually. Viva glanced at Tali, but the teacher hadn't noticed her, clinging on to the wall below.

"You can't just wander around the boarding house," the teacher said crossly. "You can meet your friend outside school. Go on, off with you."

Tali watched in horror as Kat and Viva were led away. As she walked through the doors after the teacher, Kat mouthed, 'Keep going.'

Suddenly a lot more nervous, Tali continued to edge along the wall. She counted the windows as she passed them, 1... 2... 3. Artemis' was sixth. It seemed to take forever to reach the window. She pulled on the latch. It wasn't locked.

She scrambled in and tumbled on to the floor. Luckily, the room was still empty. It appeared that Artemis had a room to himself- no doubt he had pulled some strings to avoid contact with people his own age.

Tali set to work setting up the cameras. She only had two, and she hid one in between books on a shelf, and another in the light hanging from the ceiling. She had to climb on Artemis' bed to reach the light, and even then she could hardly get high enough. She pointed both cameras at the door. They didn't want to spy on Artemis- that was just weird and perverted. All they wanted was get his reaction to the invitation on film.

Finally, she placed the invitation on the floor just in front of the door. She tried to make it look like it had been slid under. This invitation was different from the others- it specifically said that it was from Tali, Viva and Kat.

Happy that everything was done, Tali went back to the window. She was about to open it when she heard the sound of a key in the lock.

Without thinking, she dove under the bed. She pulled her legs under just as the door opened and a pair of expensive looking Italian shoes walked through the door.

To her disappointment, Artemis walked right over the invitation without seeming to notice it. He went straight to his desk. She heard the sounds of his computer starting up, and wondered desperately how she could get out of there.

The door was still slightly ajar. Tali poked her head out cautiously and saw that whatever Artemis was doing on his computer was holding his interest. Slowly, carefully, she eased herself out from under the bed. Inch by inch, she came out, eyes never leaving Artemis' back. Just as slowly she raised herself up on to her knees and crawled towards the door. But the door was not opened wide enough for her to get through on all fours. With a nervous glance at Artemis, she slowly stood up and tried to fit through the door. She was still not small enough. She hit the door, and it creaked as it opened slightly.

Artemis turned in his desk chair, a look of annoyance on his face. This expression changed to pure horror as he saw that it was Tali standing in his doorway.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Um, I..." Tali stumbled. "I... came to give you this," she plucked the invitation off the floor and held it out to him.

Artemis frowned at the strange girl. He knew who she was of course- one of the three that appeared to be stalking him. She kept popping up all over the place. Tali, that's what her name was- he remembered that she had been the one that had supposingly been interested in computers. She was easily recognizable because of her hair- blonde strands stuck up everywhere. It was almost comical, but at the same time it suited her.

He took the piece of paper she was holding out to him. One glance and he knew it was one of the party invitations he had seen other boys in his year level walking around with. So they really had been planning a party in the computer labs that day he had seen them.

He looked up, and was surprised to see that she was smiling at him expectantly. She actually thought he would want to go to the party? She actually believed he would voluntarily spend time with the people he went to school with, and who knows how many other random teenagers.

And yet, even though it was so obvious, he felt an odd sense of guilt that he was going to say no to her.

"Sorry, I can't go. I have a family function on Saturday." he said. Why had he bothered with the excuse? Why did he care if she cared that he didn't want to go to the party? More importantly, why on earth had she invited him? She didn't even know him for goodness sake.

Her face fell, and the guilty feeling got worse.

"Aw, c'mon," she said. "Can't you get out of it? It's going to be awesome fun."

"No, I'm afraid I can't," Artemis said quickly. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do."

Tali looked bitterly disappointed, but to his relief she turned to leave. Then she stopped and walked towards his desk, dropping the invitation on it.

"Just in case you change your mind," she said. She smiled at him, and left the room.

Artemis glanced downwards at the invitation. Half his year level would be going to the party, and probably a large amount of Wicklow Secondary students as well. He shuddered. Thank god he wasn't going.


	12. The Success

A shielded Holly was hovering above Kat and Viva, who were sharing a bottle of something suspicious outside the gates of St Bartleby's, when Tali emerged. She dipped down until she was only a few metres above their heads and could listen to their conversation.

"Well?" Kat said.

"Didn't go so well." Tali said.

"Why?"

"Artemis walked in while I was there."

Kat and Viva's mouths fell open in shock. Holly's did too.

"And? What happened? What did you say?" Viva asked.

"I hid under the bed, and then waited til he was distracted, and tried to get out of there. He caught me at the door, so I acted like I was walking in instead of leaving."

Holly chuckled to herself. She was really beginning to like these girls. "Nice work," Kat was saying. "Did he buy it?"

"Guess so. I tried to give him the invite, but he said he couldn't go."

"So what, you just gave up?"

"No. I tried to convince him, and when that didn't work I just gave him the invite anyway."

Kat frowned. "So there's no guarantee he's going to show?"

Tali shook her head. "And I'd say it's likely he won't. He didn't look terribly enthused."

Kat frowned again, and put a finger on her chin thoughtfully. "We need a new plan of attack."

Tali pouted. "Well, what about his parents?"

"What about them?"

"Well, his excuse was a family function. If we go over to his house and ask when his parents are there, then he's got no excuse."

"He'll think up another one." Kat said.

"I think it's worth a try," Viva said. "And we don't really have a choice."

Kat shrugged in agreement. Holly smiled. Artemis would be going to that party. She was sure of it.

Tali was woken up on Saturday morning by her phone ringing.

"Hello?" she answered groggily.

"You're still in bed? Get up, you lazy girl, we're on a tight schedule!"

"Kat? What are you doing up so early?" Tali asked, glancing at her clock. It was six in the morning.

"Acing our drama project. Now get dressed and meet me in town- we're going to Artemis' house. According to my sources, our friend went home last night- we have to make sure we get to his house and ask him to the party before he goes anywhere. Once that's done, we have to go and make sure everything's ready for our party. Savvy?"

"Yeah yeah, okay," Tali said sleepily. "I'll see you soon then."

"Sure thing babe." Kat replied, and hung up.

They met in the café an hour later.

"Okay, so here's the plan," Kat said, all business. "We go to Artemis' house around lunchtime. Hopefully they'll all be there, they're the type who probably have a family lunch on weekends when Artemis is home. So, we call in for a casual visit, just to make sure that Artemis definitely can't make it tonight. The Fowl's won't have heard anything about the party of course, and won't know that Artemis' excuse is a family thing, so they'll be like 'Why aren't you going?' and then bam, Artemis is going to the party."

"Sounds good," Viva said. "Let's do it."

They left the cafe and began walking to Artemis' house.

Unknown to the girls, Holly was already there. She had been hovering outside the house all morning. The girls plan was a good one, and it might work, except they'd forgotten one major factor- Butler. There was no way Butler would let the Fowl's agree to Artemis going to the party. Butler didn't like the girls to begin with, and the idea of a darkened, crowded room with too much liquor and dodgy fire escapes was not going to agree with him. There was no way Butler was going to allow his principle to be in a situation like that.

Which was why Holly was waiting in the Fowl's garden, hovering just above the water feature, for Butler to do his usual security checks.

She was enjoying the smell of the fresh surface air through the vents in her helmet when she caught sight of him exiting the house. She flew towards him, hovering just above his head. She had to wait until they were out of sight from both the house and the security cameras. Luckily, those were just the places Butler was going to check, because those were just the places an intruder would hide.

Holly followed the giant man as he strode through the garden. When he reached the spot she wanted, she pulled out her Neutrino 2000 and unshielded as she took aim.

"Sorry about this," she said as she shot a quick burst into his head. Butler's face just had time to register his surprise before he hit the ground, knocked unconscious.

Holly landed next to his large frame and, with much difficulty, moved Butler's head into a more upright position. He stirred and she spoke, voice laced with the _mesmer_.

"Don't panic. Everything is okay," she said.

Butler's eyes immediately glazed over and his expression slackened.

"Sit up," Holly instructed, "And listen carefully."

As Butler rose into a sitting position, Holly continued to speak.

"You will allow Artemis to go to a party tonight," she said.

Butler;s brow furrowed.

"A party? No. Too dangerous. And Artemis will not want to go,"

"The party is not dangerous," Holly said soothingly, putting another layer of _mesmer_ into her voice. "Encourage Artemis to go. Tell him he will enjoy it. Tell him it will be good to spend some time with people his own age. Tell him he will have fun."

Butler's expression relaxed and he nodded.

"Yes. Artemis should spend time with people his own age." he said.

"Encourage the Fowl's to allow Artemis to go to the party. Tell them you think the party is a good idea."

"I think the party is a good idea." Butler repeated mechanically.

"Forget you ever saw me. I was never here." Holly instructed.

"I never saw you." Butler said.

"Return to the house. Do not mention the party until the girls arrive and invite Artemis." Holly said, before shielding and flying upwards, leaving Butler in the garden. After a few moments, the man stood up, shook his head once or twice and then continued on his route as though there had been no interruption. Holly checked the time on her helmet. Almost 12. Where were those girls?

Kat, Viva and Tali reached Fowl Manor by 12.30. The walk had taken a while because the heel of Kat's glittery purple stilettos had snapped- much to her displeasure- and she had been forced to walk in only one shoe for most of the way. Due to this unfortunate incidence, she was not in a good mood by the time they arrived.

"Why does he have to live so fricking far away?" she complained. "Everyone else lives a reasonable distance from town, but oh no, precious Artemis is too good to live amoung the common people, he has to live in the middle of fricking nowhere!"

"Shut up, I'm ringing," Viva said, finger hovering over the intercom button on the gate. She pressed it and waited for a response.

"Yes?" asked a deep male voice.

"The bodyguard," Kat whispered to Tali.

"Hey, it's just Viva, Kat and Tali. We're here to see Artemis, is he in?"

There was a pause on the other end. "A moment please," the bodyguard said.

The girls waited in silence for just less than a minute, before Angeline Fowl's voice sounded through the speaker.

"Girls, so lovely to see you again! I've just sent Butler out to open the gates for you,"

"Thanks, Angeline."

Peering through the gate, they could see the front door open and the giant form of Artemis' bodyguard stride down the path.

"I'd forgotten how big he was," Viva whispered. Tali shushed her. Looking at the man, she got the impression he had good hearing.

He opened the gate wordlessly and led them up the path and into the house. Angeline was waiting for them.

"Hello Tali, Viva, Kat," she greeted them warmly. "It's so nice to see you again! Well I think so anyway," she said, with a pointed look towards the stairs. Turning back to them, she said with a smile. "Have you all eaten? We're having lunch in a little while,"

"Oh no, we don't want to intrude on your family meal," Kat said politely. "We just came round because we were really disappointed to here that Artemis couldn't make it tonight, and were just wondering if there was any chance he could come just for a little while?"

Angeline frowned. "Tonight?" she asked.

Kat feigned as innocent expression. "Artemis didn't tell you about the party?"

Angeline sighed in frustration, and turned to Butler.

"Butler, would you mind escorting the girls to the lounge and getting Juliet to fix them something to drink while I fetch Artemis?" Butler nodded and led the girls out of the room. "Can't believe he's being rude like this, ignoring his guests..." Angeline continued to mutter as she climbed the stairs.

The three girls had positioned themselves carefully on the assorted couches and armchairs in the lounge when Angeline and a very reluctant Artemis entered the lounge and Viva took up two of the armchairs while Tali had one end of a couch. Angeline took a seat in the last available armchair. Artemis stood in apparent indecision for a moment, and then sat down on the same couch as Tali, as close to the end of it as possible. Kat resisted the temptation to roll her eyes.

Juliet entered with a tray of three orange juices.

"Here you go," she said cheerfully, handing out the juices to the girls.

"Now, tell me about this party tonight, seeing as Artemis managed to completely forget to mention it to me," Angeline said sweetly, while directing an angry look at her son.

"Party?" Juliet said, spinning around and almost knocking Viva out with the drinks tray.

Tali grinned at her. "Oh, it's just a small party in a place in town," she said casually. "Just a few friends of ours from Wicklow Secondary and then some guys from St Bartlebys as well. We invited Artemis, but you said you had a family thing, right?" she directed this at the boy sitting on the couch besides her. He scowled and didn't answer.

Angeline regarded her son questioningly. "We aren't doing anything tonight," she said. "I think it's lovely you've been invited to a party."

"Awesome! He can come then?" Kat asked quickly.

Angeline paused, uncertain.

"It's not a huge party is it? There won't be people getting drunk and starting fights or anything like that?"

"Oh, no, of course not," Kat assured her. "We'll just dance and talk, it'll probably be over by 11," _The next day_, she added in her head.

But Angeline still seemed unsure. "Butler, what's your opinion?" she asked. Butler had been standing near the door in silence.

"I think Artemis should go. The party is a good idea," he said.

Viva watched in amusement as Artemis' mouth opened in horror for a moment, then quickly closed again.

"Of course you should go Arty! It sounds awesome!" Juliet said. Artemis glared at her, then turned to Angeline.

"But mother," he said quickly. "I have a lot of homework to do, I don't have time to-"

"It's always work with you. Go out, have fun with your friends," Angeline said. "What time does this party start?"

"7 tonight. I think Artemis has the address, but here it is again, just in case he lost it," Kat said, handing over one of the party invitations.

"Wonderful. Butler will drive you there tonight Artemis."

Artemis just stared at her in silent horror.

"We better get going," Viva said. "We have heaps of stuff to organize before tonight,"

"Thanks so much for the juice," Tali said, standing up. She turned to Artemis and shot him her best smile. "See you tonight Artemis,"

Once Kat, Tali and Viva had left the house, Artemis turned to Butler in despair.

"Why did you agree to that? You know perfectly well I do_ not_ want to attend that party!"

Butler regarded him blankly.

"You will enjoy the party," he said. "It will be good to spend some time with people your own age. You might actually have fun."

Artemis looked at him like he's gone insane.

"What are yo talking about? I will not enjoy spending time with my idiotic contemporaries, nor will I _have fun_. I expect you to stay outside when you drop me off. I shall make a brief appearance in case those annoying girls manage to speak to my mother again, and then I shall come back home. Understood?"

Butler sighed and nodded and Juliet bounded into the room.

"Are you ready to _par-tay_!" she said, dancing around the lounge room.

Artemis raised one eyebrow.

"I do not even want to be going to this _par-tay._" he replied icily.

"Come on, Arty, it'll be fun. Those girls are nice, and I'm sure some of the people at the party will be fun to talk to."

"Those girls are completely insane stalkers! And I do not intend to engage any of the imbeciles attending the party in conversation."

Juliet just grinned at him.

"So what are you wearing?" she asked excitedly.

Artemis looked at he like she'd gone crazy.

"This," he said, gesturing towards his usual suit and tie outfit.

Juliet sighed. "Well you're going to be a hit with the girls," she said.

Butler smiled at his little sister. "Artemis can handle himself. That includes his outfit." he said to her.

Juliet looked disappointed, then brightened.

"Can I come when Butler drives you? I want to see everyone arriving."


	13. The Party

**A/N: I know this chapter was a long time coming, but it's finally here- The Party! I hope you enjoy it :) Reviews appreciated**

Music blared through the speakers, tables were weighed down with food and drinks, coloured lights flashed and whirled over the dance floor, a collection of random chairs and low tables were set up to one side.

"This," Kat said, standing in the doorway with Viva, "Is awesome."

Viva grinned.

"Where's Tali?" she asked.

Kat rolled her eyes. "Getting dressed," she said, then put on a high, girly voice. "Prettying herself up for her hot date,"

Viva and Kat laughed.

"Come on, let's go see how she's going," Viva said.

"And I have to do my make-up," Kat added.

Viva glanced at Kat's deep purple lipstick, thick black eyeliner, sparkling silver eyeshadow and fake eyelashes so long they curled almost to her eyebrows, which were shaped into an exotic point, shook her head, and smiled.

Tali stood in front of the floor length mirror in the storage room at the back of the hall, which the girls had transformed into a place for getting ready. Clothes and make-up littered the floor, as well as the empty bottles of a few pre-party Breezers. Tali stared at her reflection, admiring her pretty blue dress. She glanced at her face, and was surprised at her expression. Being an actress, Tali was very aware of what her facial expressions were, and right then her expression was one of anxiety. She was nervous? Stroking her fingers along her slightly damp palms and noticing the familiar jittering feeling in her stomach, she realized it was true. She was nervous. But why? It was just a party after all, nothing new for her. Sure, she had a slightly unusual goal tonight, but her task was nothing she couldn't handle. Seduce the freak, no problem. So why was her heart hammering inside her chest just thinking about it?

"Are we ready to party!" Kat said loudly as she entered the room.

Tali turned and smiled. "Ready," she replied.

"Wow Tali, you look _hot_!" Kat said, nodding approvingly at Tali's appearance.

"As do you," Tali replied. "Where's Viva?"

"I'm her-re!" Viva sang, bounding in to the room, her white dress swirling around her long brown legs. "You guys almost done, because I need help setting up these cameras."

She gestured the sports bag on the floor which was overflowing with small cameras and cords.

"Yeah, I'm ready." Tali said.

"Coming Kat?" Viva asked.

"Give me five Viv, I gotta do this," Kat said, gesturing to her already flawless face.

Tali and Viva exchanged knowing looks, grabbed the bag of cameras and walked out into the hall.

"Okay, where are we putting them?" Tali asked, speaking loudly over the deafening thump of the music.

"Well, the lights in here are too dim, but in the entrance it's light enough to get a good shot. Also over where those seats are- I figured Artemis won't spend a lot of time on the dance floor anyway. Unless you can manage to drag him there," she teased.

Tali rolled her eyes, but she was smiling.

"So just entrance and chairs?"

"Yeah, we'll get a few angles," Viva said. "I found a few places where I can hide them easily." She whipped her mobile phone out from where in was strapped to her leg under her dress. "It's already half past six- we better hurry or we won't be ready."

Twenty minutes later, Viva and Tali re-entered the back room.

"Done?" Kat asked, squeezing her feet into a pair of gravity defying heels.

"We've got a couple of cameras left over, but we can't think of anywhere else to put them." Viva said with a shrug.

Kat stood, suddenly a foot taller than she previously was.

"Awesome. People will start arriving soon, we better get out there. Oh, and Rob was coming a littler early, he should be here in a minute."

They went out into the hall. Kat walked along the rows of tables, mentally calculating that they had enough drinks.

"All looks good," she said, grabbing a bottle of vodka off the table.

"Hey, save those for the party!" Viva said, "There's still a couple out back."

Kat poked out her tongue and walked back to the back room. She grabbed herself a drink, skulled half the bottle, and noticed the two extra cameras Viva and Tali hadn't placed. Surely there must be somewhere for them. Glancing around her room, she placed one on a shelf right behind the big mirror, and smirked. No doubt some vain girls would wander in here during the night and check their hair and make-up- her, Tali and Viva would have a fun time watching it later. She put the other camera back in the bag, packed up her make-up and pushed it all under the table, then returned to the hall.

Rob had arrived with a couple of other soccer players Kat recognized.

"Hey Kat," Rob said, noticing her and waving.

"Hey Rob," Kat said, walking up and hugging him, taking a secret pleasure in the fact her heels made them the same height. "Nice of you to come. And with some friends," she eyed the tall, toned boys who were talking to Viva and Tali.

Rob laughed. "Predictable as always." he said, tousling her hair. She smacked his hand away.

"You'll screw up my hair!" she said, but she couldn't help smiling.

"So Rob, did you convince anyone to come, or is this all you've got?" Tali called jokingly from where she stood with Viva and the soccer players.

"Hey, I've got heaps of people coming. You'll have your two hundred easy,"

"One ninety nine." Tali corrected.

Rob smiled. "How about you? Manage to invite your... um... conquest, would you say?"

Tali smiled sarcastically. "Yes, actually, I did. He'll be here by seven." she said matter-of-factly.

Rob checked his watch.

"Well that's in a couple of minutes," he said. "Hope you've got your nerd glasses ready."

"Come on, as if he's going to resist Tali when she's looking like that," Kat said. Tali smiled appreciatively, but her insides were churning again. What if Artemis didn't respond to her efforts? What would they do then?

However she didn't have any time to worry about it, or ask Kat and Viva for their advice, because cars were starting to pull up outside.

It took only ten minutes for the party to have really begun. People crowded the hall, girls in short dresses and boys lugging six packs, greeting each other, opening cans and bottles, hitting the dance floor, bodies pressing close together. People sat together in groups or couples, some people wasting no time in locking lips, some even heading out the back doors into the dark of the garden.

But Tali couldn't enjoy herself- a hard knot of anxiety had formed in her stomach, and no amount of vodka or bourbon would make it go away.

"What's wrong?" Viva said, disconnecting herself from one of the toned soccer players and standing with Tali near the entrance.

"Artemis isn't here yet," Tali said, knowing her worry was obvious on her face.

Viva whipped out her phone.

"It's only quarter past seven." she said. "Relax, he'll be here soon."

Tali forced a smile and nodded. What if he didn't show? The movie would be ruined. The whole party would have been for nothing.

She glanced out the front doors for the millionth time, and relief flooded through her. The black four wheeled drive with incredibly blacked out windows had pulled up. Tali shrunk out of the doorway, not wanting to be caught waiting for Artemis. She stuck her head around the door and watched as the car sat idling for a few minutes, then the bodyguard got out of the drivers seat and walked around to the passenger door. Suddenly Kat was by her side. She saw the car and the bodyguard and grinned at Tali.

"Show time," she said. She winked and returned to the dance floor, where she was working her way through every boy at the party.

The butterflies in Tali's stomach went into a frenzy as the passenger door was opened and Artemis, reluctantly, stepped out. He looked up at the hall with contempt, and for a moment Tali thought he was going to get straight back in the car. But, after exchanging some quick words with the giant, Artemis walked towards the door, regarding them as if they were the gates of hell.

Tali quickly went to the edge of the dance floor and faced away from the door. She counted to ten and then turned around, feigning tiredness from her dancing. Then she pretended to notice Artemis, standing in the doorway, and walked towards him, grinning widely.

"Hey, you made it!" she said.

Artemis just looked at her.

"Drinks are over there, bathrooms to your left and dance floor straight ahead." she said with forced cheerfulness.

Still no reply. Artemis stared straight ahead as if she wasn't even there.

"So... did you want to grab a drink?" she asked.

Artemis turned and looked at her.

"Judging by your diluted pupils and the general behaviour of everyone present, the only drinks you have provided are alcoholic, and somehow I doubt you're serving French champagne. I also highly doubt you have Irish spring water, and therefore no, I would not like to 'grab a drink'."

Tali's smile fell off her face. _Big mistake boy_.

"Okay then," she said, still keeping her light, friendly tone. "The dance floor it is."

She grabbed his wrist and pulled. Artemis almost fell over and she tugged him in the direction of the dance floor. Panic flashed onto Artemis' face and he pulled in the opposite direction. Tali tightened her grip and pulled harder until they were amongst the throng of moving people. The music was so loud it almost hurt Tali's ears. The flashing lights made everyone look weird and different. Around her, people rubbed up against one another, dancing in pairs and groups, circles forming around some boys who were breakdancing.

Tali didn't let go off Artemis' wrist, knowing he'd escape as soon as she did. But she was incapable of simply standing still when the music was pumping and everyone around her was dancing. So she turned to face Artemis and grinned as she took his other hand and moved them in time with the music. She moved her hips and her head too, keeping her feet planted. Artemis remained still as a statue, his eyes darting around looking for a way out. He'd have trouble with that, Tali thought. The dancers had closed in around them, bodies packed together so tight there was hardly room to move, unless you were moving in time with the group.

_Why is it so hard for you to just have some fun?_ Tali thought in annoyance. Everyone else seemed to be enjoying themselves. Tali felt a hand on her back, and turned to see a boy she didn't recognize. The boy smiled and tried to take her hand, but she gripped Artemis' tightly. She couldn't let him go. The boy raised his eyebrows at Artemis and looked at Tali questioningly. Tali looked at Artemis. _See, every other boy wants to dance with me. What the hell is wrong with you?_

Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to let Artemis see what he was missing out on. And so she carefully loosened her grip, and turned to face the boy. He moved towards her until their bodies were touching, and then they danced. Tali looked at the boy, at his floppy fringe and green eyes and slightly goofy smile. He was cute, she decided. Maybe they could go get a drink after this...

_You're _supposed_ to be seducing Artemis, not some random!_

Tali spun around, realizing she'd left Artemis on his own for over a minute. She couldn't see him. What if he'd left?

She flashed an apologetic smile to the floppy fringed boy and pushed her way through the crowd in the direction of the door- that was definitely where Artemis would be heading. Then she saw him, sandwiched between two blonde girls who had clearly had a lot to drink. They were clearly holding him up, and he was clearly trying to get away from them as fast as possible.

Tali squeezed her way through the crowd to reach him. He looked at her, and his expression was of someone who's bad night had just gotten worse. Tali felt a strong urge to grab him and the drunk blondes and lock them in a room together- could the great Artemis Fowl handle that? But she didn't, instead she put on her best outraged face and pulled one of the girls around to face her.

"What do you think you're doing? Get away from my boyfriend!" she yelled in one the girl's face.

The girl giggled drunkenly. "Your boyfriend? Oops, sorry," she giggled again, and her hand wandered down Artemis' chest and kept going. He jumped at least a foot in the air. "I thought he was free."

"Sorry, I'll have to take him from you now," Tali said, glaring at the two girls. "Come on," she said to Artemis quietly as she grabbed his hand again and led them off the dance floor. Once they were far enough away to be able to hear themselves speak, and for the blonde girls to be out of sight, she said, "So, you want that drink yet?"

Kat had been dancing for over an hour, and had managed to dance with nine different boys in that time; she needed another drink. Disentangling herself from her latest dance partner, she sauntered towards the drinks table. As she poured herself a drink, she noticed Tali leading Artemis over, her hand wrapped around his.

_Poor girl_, she thought. _Having to spend the whole party babysitting the freak._

"Tali's plan is working then?"

Kat spun around to see Rob was standing behind her, looking at Tali and Artemis.

"Look's like it," Kat said. "She's doing well if she got him onto the dance floor."

"You looked like you were doing pretty well on the dance floor yourself."

Kat looked at him sideways.

"Yeah, I guess I was," she said nonchalantly. "How about you, any hot girls take your fancy?"

Rob turned his head, surveying the room.

"Couple of possibilities," he said nonchalantly. "See how I go,"

"Well good luck with that," Kat said.

"Good luck for you too." Rob replied.

He smiled and walked off. Kat tipped the rest of her drink down her throat.

Tali and Artemis reached the drinks table and stopped.

"What would you like?" Tali asked.

Normally it was the boy asking her what she would like, but she didn't expect Artemis to have any idea how to behaviour in such a situation as getting a girl a drink.

"None of these," Artemis said, gesturing distastefully towards the various mixed drinks lined up and sitting in giant ice buckets.

"Okay," Tali said, searching through one of the ice buckets, "How about..."

Her hand closed around a large bottle- she pulled it out to find the champagne Kat had bought.

"Aha! And you said we wouldn't have champagne!" she turned to him proudly.

Artemis eyes it critically, reading the label. He was surprised to notice it wasn't as disgustingly cheap as he'd expected.

"Thank you but I shall just have water," he said.

Tali shrugged and put the champagne back, grabbing a vodka for herself and a water for Artemis.

"Would you like to sit down?" she asked.

"Well obviously I can't drink standing up," Artemis replied.

Tali rolled her eyes and lead him to the seats. She sat down in the one she knew was in the direct line of the camera Viva and her had planted there- so far not a lot of the night had been captured on film. It was quieter here, even though the music was still blasting on the other side of the hall. On the couch opposite them, a girl was hardy visible under the boy on top of her. Both Artemis and Tali looked away awkwardly.

_What do I do now?_ Tali thought desperately. _How do I make conversation with a genius? And how do I make him like me at the same time?_

"You look nice," she said. Artemis was wearing what he always seemed to be wearing. She didn't understand why a teenaged boy would want to look so formal all the time. But it didn't look that strange on Artemis. Maybe she was just used to it.

"Thank you," Artemis replied awkwardly.

_This is the part where you say 'You look nice too'. _Tali thought, inwardly rolling her eyes.

"You look nice as well,"

Artemis couldn't believe he had found himself in this situation. What he should do was just get up and leave- Butler would still be waiting outside. But for some reason he couldn't bring himself to just walk out on this bizarre girl. Even though she had dragged him onto the dance floor, she had rescued him from those two other girls. And, despite himself, he didn't hate her quite as much as he thought he would. It was probably just because she was better than the rest of the teenaged girls he saw. That, and she was vaguely unpredictable.

_Since when have you liked unpredictable?_

"Thank you," Tali said. The key in flirtation was to know who you were flirting with. With some boys, now would be an appropriate time to bat her eyelids; with other boys, now would be an appropriate time to tell them that what she was wearing underneath was even nicer. With Artemis, neither of these applied. So she simply smiled at him.

_She has straight teeth_, Artemis thought, then wondered why he was noticing her teeth, of all things. _Because she keeps smiling, that's why_. But why did she keep smiling? Why had she invited him to that party? Why, when there were over a hundred other people here, did she want to spend all her time with him?

Artemis' brain offered him only two conclusions.

One, she was in fact incredibly unpopular and was desperate for a friend, which is why she had invited someone else who she didn't think would have anyone else to talk to. Judging by the way that boy with the long fringe was looking at her, and most of the other boys in the room, that was not the case.

Two, she actually wanted to be his friend. She actually _enjoyed_ his company. But that wasn't even possible. She didn't even know him, for a start, and besides, he hadn't even been nice to her.

"So tell me more about yourself," Tali said.

Artemis searched Tali's face, looking for the sarcasm or joke behind her comment. He didn't find any. She was serious?

There was no way Artemis was going to tell this girl _anything_ about himself. But at the same time, he didn't want to offend her.

_Why not? _The rational part of his brain asked.

_Because she'll be upset, _another, more rarely heard part of his brain replied.

_Why do you care? _

The other part of his brain couldn't explain his mixed feelings, and so it came up with a perfectly logical explanation.

_If you offend or upset her, she'll stop smiling._

For some reason that no logical reasoning could work out, he didn't want her to stop smiling. And so he replied, in a tone that was close to friendliness,

"There's not a lot to tell. Why don't you tell me about yourself instead?"

A flicker of confusion crossed the girl's face, and then she smiled even wider.

_Score!_ Tali thought.

"Oh, I'm not very interesting," she said nonchalantly. _Keep it light, friendly, don't overdo it. _"Anything you want to know in particular?"

"Tell me about your family," he said. "You already know all about mine."

The corner of his mouth twitched upwards. _Was that a smile?_ Tali thought in amazement. _Did Artemis Fowl just _smile_?_

She smiled back, encouraging him. He seemed to be loosening up a little, even though he still seemed a little uncomfortable in his surroundings.

"Well, I'm an only child, like you," she said. "My dad's a journalist, we moved to Ireland because of his job. My mum used to be in catering, but since coming to Ireland she hasn't worked. I can tell she misses it thought, she really loved her business, but you know, dad's work had to come first..."

She continued to ramble about her family, slightly surprised at the things she was telling to Artemis. She never discussed family with Kat and Viva- she knew Kat's dad wasn't exactly an ideal parent and Viva's mum was a widow, making the whole subject difficult. She never really thought about her family except when she was at home- her mum and her fought a lot, her dad wasn't around much, and she liked to concentrate on school and her friends. It wasn't interesting and it wasn't exciting, but Artemis just sat and listened while she rambled on.

Kat wasn't paying any attention to Tali and Artemis- in fact, the project was the last thing on her mind. She was having a great time, dancing with a tall boy with blonde dreadlocks and a golden tan. She flirted harmlessly as their bodies moved closer, then she noticed that Rob was watching her. He was behind Blonde Dreadlocked Boy, dancing with a pretty red head. Their eyes met, and Rob started to smile at her. But as Kat watched, the pretty red headed girl moved closer and put her hands around Rob's neck, directing his attention back to her. The smile faded on Kat's lips as Rob's head moved closer to the girls.

Without thinking, Kat grabbed the back of blonde dreadlocked boys head and pressed her lips to his. He recoiled in surprise, then moved closer to her, his hands moving further down her back as their lips parted and mouths opened. After a moment Kat pulled away, glancing at Rob again. He was looking at her. He raised one eyebrow, then turned and walked off, hand in hand with the pretty red haired girl. Kat felt an odd feeling in the pit of her stomach. Blonde Dreadlocks moved in again, but she turned and walked away. She needed a drink.

_How could he care about any of this?_ Tali thought, continuing to tell Artemis uninteresting details of her life. _He doesn't, you idiot. He's probably not paying any attention._

"Sorry I'm boring you with this, do you want to talk about something else?" she asked.

Artemis began to speak, but at that moment one of the blonde girls who had been on the dance floor stumbled drunkenly over, nearly tumbling onto Artemis. The recalled in horror as part of her drink splashed onto his Italian shoes.

"Oops, sorry," she giggled. She squinted at Artemis. "Hey, it's you!" she looked at Tali, then back at Artemis. "This your girlfriend?"

Artemis shook his head, oblivious of Tali's desperate signing to nod.

"Well, somebody's been telling lies, haven't they?" the girl said in a singsong voice to Tali. She swayed slightly as she continued, taking large sips from her drink. "Can't just decide a guys yours when he's still free game. Give the rest of us a fair go, hey?" she started laughing, quickly becoming hysterical. Suddenly, she turned a sickly shade of green. She buckled over as a stream of vomit cascaded from her mouth, straight into Artemis' lap.

"Oh shit!' Tali said, leaping up. Artemis sat in numb horror as she girl straightened, wiped her mouth, promptly fell into Tali's vacated seat and passed out. Artemis' legs, as well as his arms and hands which had been neatly folded in his lap, were covered in her spew.

"Are you okay?" Tali asked Artemis.

Artemis just sat there, staring at his Armani suit. May as well burn it now, he could never wear the thing again.

"Come on, I'll help you clean up," Tali said, grabbing his hand and pulling him to his feet. Vomit slid off him, puddling on the floor. Tali held her breath and led him through the crowd of laughing onlookers towards the bathrooms.

"Excuse me," she said to the two boys standing in the entrance to the men's bathrooms.

"You can't come in here," they told her.

"Watch me," Tali replied, and pushed through, dragging the still dazed Artemis behind her.

They left a trail of vomit drops on the floor as they made their way to the sink. Artemis scrubbed his hand with the pathetic little piece of soap for over two minutes, then looked around for some kind of towel, but there wasn't any- just a roll of paper towel in a metal dispenser. He pulled out a sheet, tearing it crookedly on the perforated edge.

"Here, I'll do it," Tali said in exasperation. She jiggled the top of the metal dispenser, trying to open it. After a moment of jiggling, she kicked upwards, jolting it with one high heeled shoe. The lid popped up, and she got out the roll of paper towel, tearing off a few sheets wrapping then round her hand.

"Just stay still," she said, leaning down. She carefully wiped his pant legs, sleeves and the front of his shirt, removing every trace of the light orange coloured spew.

"Um, maybe you should do the rest," she said, handing him the roll of paper towel. She had left the area between his waist and half way down his thighs.

"Oh. Thank you," Artemis said awkwardly. He wished she'd go away, or at least turn around, but she didn't. He wiped himself down quickly. All the vomit was gone, but there was still a dark stain in his pants and the sleeves of his jacket, and no amount of paper towel could remove the smell.

"I don't suppose you have any other clothes?" Tali asked.

"Of course not," Artemis replied in irritation, then felt an odd sense of guilt. She had helped him after all.

"Come with me, I might have something for you," Tali said. She walked out of the bathrooms, Artemis following behind her, and took him to the storage room at the back of the hall. She shut the door behind them, and went to her bag, rummaging through it.

"They'll probably be a little small for you," she said. "But it's worth a try."

She pulled out a red t-shirt and a pair of navy blue tracksuit pants and held them up for Artemis to see. She had worn them when she'd been setting up the hall with Kat and Viva, before she'd changed into her party dress. The t-shirt was large on her and would probably fit Artemis, the track pants however would be too short, she was sure of it.

Artemis regarded the outfit in horror. "It's fine, I'll stay in this and go home," he said, shaking his head quickly.

"Don't be stupid, put these on," Tali said. "And do it fast, I can't keep breathing through my mouth,"

Artemis got the hint and reluctantly took the clothes from her. He glanced around the room, looking for a adjacent room where he could change, but the only door was the one they'd just come through. Tali was watching him expectantly. Feeling a flush of heat in his cheeks, he turned away from her and took off his jacket and his shirt, folding them neatly and placing them on the table before pulling the red t-shirt over his head.

Tali leant against the wall, watching in amusement as Artemis turned around to get changed. As he took off his shirt, she raised her eyebrows in surprise. She could only see his back, but what she saw wasn't _that _bad. He was too pale, and a little skinny, but she'd seen worse. A lot worse.

He glanced back at her, and she blushed as she realized she'd been caught staring. She turned and made a show of rummaging in her bag again, only turning around when she had allowed Artemis ample time to finish changing.

"Thank you," he said stiffly.

"You're welcome," she said.

They stood in silence for a moment.

"Did you want another drink?" Tali asked suddenly.

_This girl likes drinking,_ Artemis thought. He had never considered it a very attractive attribute, but at least she didn't drink to the point of vomiting on people.

"Er, okay,"

Tali got the last two Cruisers out of Kat's bag- she was sure Kat wouldn't mind, it was for the project after all- and passed one to Artemis. She sat down on the table, and after a moment's hesitation, Artemis sat down next to her. She caught sight of their reflection in the mirror. _I wasn't expecting this, _she thought.

"They're girly drinks, I know," she said, opening her Cruiser. "Do you, um, drink, at all?"

"I presume you mean do I drink alcohol?"

"Yeah,"

"Occasionally," Artemis replied, opening his own drink and taking a small, tentative sip. It tasted sweet- like cordial with a bitter aftertaste. It wasn't that bad. He took another sip.

"You probably think I drink heaps," the girl said, "I don't though, I swear. I only drink with Kat and Viva, and at parties obviously, and even then normally it's just vodka and mixed drinks like this with low percentages. I like these things," she held up her Cruiser. "Because you can't actually taste the alcohol."

She hesitated, then leant towards him and said in a lowered voice.

"I don't actually like the taste all that much, and I don't like to drink a lot because I'm kind of a light weight. I just pretend to take sips when I share bottles with people most of the time," she smile guiltily at him, and took another sip of her Cruiser. "It's pathetic, I know." she glanced at him suddenly and demanded. "You won't tell anyone, will you?"

Artemis was amazed he had found himself in this situation, but he nodded. Who did she think he was going to tell? Nonetheless, he knew he never would repeat this conversation.

He shifted in the scratchy blue tracksuit pants and adjusted his grip on the bottle in his hand, taking a few more gulps. Next to him, Tali pushed her blonde hair off her face. It stuck up above her forehead like a crown. He smiled.

"What?" Tali said, looking at him in confusion.

"Oh, nothing," he said, quickly straightening his face. "It's just your hair," he gestured to her head.

Tali glanced in the mirror and laughed at herself. "I look like a peacock," she said, flattening it with her hands.

"No, I like it," Artemis said, then realized what he'd said and blushed. Then the girl looked at him and smiled, and he didn't regret the comment.

"Really," the girl said, grinning at him. "How about this," she combed her hair through her fingers, making the whole lot stand straight up. Artemis couldn't help but smile. The girl laughed.

"Come here, I'll do you," she said. She moved closer and shifted round to face him. Her hands went towards his head and raked through his head. Artemis' smile disappeared, replaced by an expression of wide eyed shock as he sat frozen to the spot. The girl shaped his hair intently, then her eyes met his and she grinned again.

"Like it?" she said, nodding towards the mirror.

Artemis turned and looked at his reflection. His dark hair was sticking up everywhere, although not as much as the girl's blonde hair. Artemis was surprised to find he didn't care that he looked ridiculous. His eyes went to the girl's reflection, and their eyes met again in the mirror. Her dress was a pretty colour. She smiled. They both turned their heads and looked at each other. They were so close their legs were almost touching. Artemis felt light headed. Hadn't she said these drinks had low percentages? He'd never been drunk, but he imagined this was what it felt like.

The girl's head moved, just a fraction, towards him. For once, Artemis didn't think. His body responded as his head moved forwards too. He was aware of her closing her eyes as their faces got closer, and then all he could feel was her soft lips pressed against his. For a moment he enjoyed the feeling, then his brain switched back on and he was flooded with panic. He didn't know what he was doing. He had never kissed a girl in his life. What if he was doing something wrong? What should he do next? Did he just stay here, sitting still with his lips against hers?

He felt her head tilt to the side, felt her lips contract and then push towards his again. She smelt sweet, like the Cruisers they'd been drinking. Her lips parted slightly, and his did too. He had a sudden urge to hold her. His arms reached out and touched her arm, but as he did her lips stopped their rhythmic movement and she pulled away.

_Did I do something wrong?_ Artemis wondered. He had assumed it was right to follow his instincts in situations like these. Clearly his instincts were a little rusty from lack of use. If only there was some sort of formula for these things.

"Sorry," Artemis mumbled awkwardly. He had no idea why he was apologizing, it just felt like the right thing to do.

"No, it's okay," the girl said.

Artemis felt his cheeks warm again and he stood up abruptly.

"Well I'm going to go home, thank you again for the clothes," he said as he grabbed his neatly folded suit. He walked briskly to the door, and was affronted with blaring music as he opened it. Keeping his eyes firmly on the door, except for a quick glance around for vomiting girls, he walked through the crowd, almost jogging in his haste. He went out the doors at the front of the hall. Butler's car was still waiting, parked just across the street. Artemis climbed in the back seat, breathing heavily even though his walk had not been overly exerting.

"Artemis?" Butler asked, regarding his principle in the rearvision mirror.

"Just go!" the boy replied irritably.

Butler raised his eyebrows, but contained his curiosity over Artemis' strange behaviour. He put the car in gear and drove smoothly away, back to Fowl Manor.

Tali sat in the back room of the hall, alone and completely stunned. She couldn't believe it. She had never imagined this. Two terrible things had occurred. One, she'd kissed Artemis Fowl; the freak, the social retard, the nerd with absolutely no manners who didn't seem to even like her and who she couldn't stand in return. Just the fact that they had kissed was bad enough, but there was something worse.

Not only had she kissed Artemis Fowl, she had enjoyed it.

**A/N: Worth that wait? **


	14. The Day After

**A/N: Short chapter I know, but I wanted to get it out fast. Wrote it in lit class and didn't proof read- sorry for typos! **

Tali woke up the next day with a pounding headache. It was two in the afternoon. She lay in bed for a moment, trying to piece together her fragmented memories of the previous night. She could remember walking home with Viva in the early hours of the morning. Everyone had left by six and then they'd cleaned up. Kat had disappeared. Viva had been worried at first, but then they got a text from Rob saying she'd gotten a lift home with him and his friends.

Tali rubbed her eyes and tried to cast her mind further back. Back to the start… back to when Artemis had arrived. Artemis.

Immediately a rush of memories crowded her head. Loud music and blonde girls and vomit and the back room and laughter and the softness of lips and the sweet smell of flavoured Vodka. She sat bolt upright, then quickly went back down as the pounding in her head intensified.

_I'm never going to drink again,_ she told herself. It wasn't the first time she'd made this promise, but this time she meant it. Getting a little drunk was one thing- sucking face with Artemis Fowl was another. Kat and Viv would never let her live it down. Maybe she wouldn't tell them. But how would she explain the fact that she had screwed up the entire project?

When Artemis woke up on Sunday morning he had a slight headache. He went down to the kitchen in search of some painkillers- he could hardly work with a headache.

"Whatcha looking for?" Juliet asked, walking in with a bowl of yogurt and muesli.

"Painkillers," Artemis replied.

"Why?" Juliet asked curiously. It wasn't like Artemis to take medication.

"I've got a headache," Artemis replied irritably.

Juliet smiled mischievously.

"So, the party was good then?"

Artemis turned. "What do you mean?"

_What's Butler told her?_ He thought. _More importantly, how much does Butler know?_

"Well, I just assumed you'd enjoyed yourself. You were having enough fun to have a headache today," Juliet said.

"Having fun? I didn't have _fun_, Juliet, just as I predicted. In fact, I left the party early."

"Not early enough to avoid getting a hangover," Juliet replied with a grin and left the room.

A hangover. He had a hangover.

He took two painkillers with a glass of spring water and returned to his study. However, sitting at his desk, he couldn't seem to concentrate on anything. Memories of the previous night kept flashing in his mind. He pulled his laptop towards him but he couldn't see what was on the screen- it was like a girl in a blue dress was blocking his vision.

_What's wrong with me?_

Viva called Tali at three, suggesting they all meet up at her house to debrief from the night before. Tali agreed, and had just gotten ready to leave when Viva called again. Apparently Kat was 'caught up' and couldn't make it.

"I'll go get all the cameras down and load the footage onto my laptop," Viva said. "Then we can look over it in class tomorrow and see what we can use."

"Do you want me to come and help?" Tali asked.

"Nah, it'll only take me half an hour. You can put your energy into planning your next move in the Grand Seduction Scheme." she laughed and then hung up.

Tali hung up the phone and groaned. She'd considered telling Viv about the kiss, but she couldn't. Even over the phone, she couldn't bear the inevitable reaction.

What was she going to do now? Artemis would consider the whole thing _way_ too awkward to even discuss. Tali thought it highly unlikely Artemis would want to see her again. But she couldn't abandon the project- not not, not when they'd put in so much hard work. The deadline was in a few weeks- they didn't have time to come up with anything else. She had to finish this. _Which means,_ she thought with a sigh. _I'm going to have to talk to Artemis._

The three girls met in the drama room for class the next day. Before the class started, Mr. Lucemberto called for attention. It took a moment for the group of rowdy students to settle down, but eventually there was silence.

"I have exciting news for all of you," he said. "I have gotten us a spot in the annual Film Festival in Wexford. When we have viewed all of your films, you shall vote for the top 3, and these shall be shown at the festival. Normally Wicklow High doesn't get included, but this year they are making an exception. Now, you'll be up against St Bartleby's, yes, yes, I know," he shushed the sudden eruption of yelling. "And so I want you to produce some high quality work- imagine if we manage to beat them! These films are due in 3 weeks and the festival is in 4, so get to it!"

There was a flurry of activity as the class began working. Kat, Tali and Viva went to a corner of the room and sat down.

"Where were you yesterday?" Tali asked Kat.

"I had some stuff to do," Kat said evasively.

Tali looked at Viva, who shrugged. They both knew they'd get it out of her sometime, so they concentrated on the task at hand.

"Okay, Tali, we need to hear everything that happened on Saturday night," Kat said. "And I mean_ everything_- something that might seem unimportant could be huge in the plan."

Tali bit her lip.

"Well, you know, he came and we danced..."

"Come on Tali, you have to give us all the details! What was he wearing? Did he look happy to be there? Did he seemed pleased to see you? What was his reaction when you asked him to dance? Presuming you did…" she trailed off expectantly.

Tali sighed.

"He came, he looked miserable, I thought he was going to leave again but he stayed."

"Had he seen you?"

"Not yet. I walked over to him when he got inside the door…"

"I've got some footage of all this," Viva cut in. "Right up to when you lead him… I mean, drag him onto the dance floor."

Kat laughed. Tali forced a smile.

"Yeah, so we danced… well, I danced, he just stood there,"

"Loser," Kat mumbled.

"And then this other guy came," Tali scrunched up her face as she tried to remember. "And I was dancing with him…"

"Wait, what about Artemis?"

"I'm getting to that. I only let Artemis go for a second, and he just disappeared. So I followed him," Tali suddenly started laughing. Kat and Viva looked on in confusion.

"Sorry," Tali said, trying to control her hysterical laughter. "It's just, these two girls had caught Artemis on his way out…" Another bout of giggles. "Two blondes who were completely off their heads."

Kat and Viva got the joke now and began to laugh too.

"Did you let them have him?" Kat asked.

"No, I came to his rescue. We went over to the seats- I think you'll have some footage of this too,"

"Yeah, I think so, but it's a little dark. And the audio's not too good." Viva replied.

"That's okay, we'll fiddle with it," Kat said. "What happened next?"

"We got drinks- Artemis had water- then we went to sit down. And then we just… talked."

" 'Just talked'? About what?"

"Stuff. My family, mostly. We just, talked."

Kat and Viva frowned in confusion. Tali shifted uncomfortably. She hadn't minded talking to Artemis. It had almost been… nice. But they didn't understand.

"So was he showing any interest during all this fascinating conversation?" Kat asked sarcastically.

Tali's anger flared up- Kat was suggesting her family was boring. Just because Kat's family was so dysfunctional, that didn't mean she had to bag Tali's. But she took a deep breathe and fought down her anger.

"I think so," she said. "He seemed to grow more comfortable. And he did ask me to talk about myself- that's a good sign, right?"

"Yeah," Viva said. "But did he do anything else? Did he compliment you or touch you or anything like that?"

Tali's mind flashed back to the back room, to the moment when their lips had met.

"No, he didn't do anything," she said.

Kat sighed in frustration.

"Okay, so we didn't get the result we wanted," Kat said. "So we'll move onto the next stage."

"Which is?" Viva asked.

Kat paused. "Not sure," she admitted. "But, we have to find some way for you to spend some more time with Artemis." Her eyes lit up. "How about you guys go out?"

"Go out? On a date?" Tali asked, horrified.

"Yeah, sort of. Relax, you don't have to sleep with the freak." Kat said, laughing.

Tali laughed weakly. Kat and Viva had no idea just how awkward this 'date' would be.


	15. The Video

**A/N: Because I'm sure you're wondering what Holly's been doing...**

Kat hated maths, and so she skipped her maths class before lunch and walked into town. It had taken a couple of days for her to completely remember the night of the party, and she was pretty sure she had planted a camera in the back room. There wouldn't be much on it, but she couldn't just leave it sitting there all week. On the way she called the owner of the hall and arranged for him to leave the back door open for her. She got there by eleven, grabbed the camera, and left straight away.

At lunchtime, she found Viva.

"Can I borrow your laptop, I've got some extra film to add." She said.

"Yeah sure," Viva said, handing her the laptop case.

Kat uploaded the film, expertly reapplying eyeliner as she did so. She didn't watch it, instead shutting down the computer and giving it back to Viva.

Holly would have loved to have been at the party, but unfortunately she'd been performing the Ritual that night and had missed it. On top of that, she had been spending a lot of time on the surface, and had to return to Haven for a couple of days. While Kat, Viva and Tali planned Tali's date, she was thousands of feet below ground, visiting Foaly.

"How's our Mud Man stalker going?" Foaly asked as she walked in, swivelling on his specially designed chair.

Normally Holly would have a witty comeback, but today she had come to ask a favour. And when you wanted to ask Foaly a favour, he had to be in a good mood.

"I'm going well," she said. "Keeping an eye on our favourite Mud Boy."

"How is Artemis?" Foaly asked, absentmindedly reaching into the bottom drawer of his desk and withdrawing a carrot he'd been saving. "Have those three girls finished their project yet?"

Holly grinned. "No, not yet. But I am fairly sure they have made some progress."

"Fairly sure?' I thought you were watching the whole thing in rapture?"

Holly forced herself to keep smiling.

"Well, I _was_," she said. "But I had to perform the Ritual and so I missed the party."

Foaly raised his eyebrows. "The party?"

"They had a party and invited Artemis."

Foaly snorted. "Somehow I don't think a party is Artemis' scene."

"Oh no, he went." Holly said.

Foaly looked at her sideways. "How are you so sure? I thought you didn't go."

Holly shrugged. Realization lit up Foaly's eyes.

"Holly!" he said. "You can't use the _mesmer_ whenever you feel like it. Especially not on Artemis…"

"I didn't use it on Artemis."

"Who then?"

Holly dropped her eyes guiltily. "Butler," she said.

"You do realize they weren't mind wiped after last time, don't you?"

"Of course I do." They would never try that again. "But don't worry, I was especially careful."

"Uh huh, sure you were." Foaly said, chomping on his carrot.

"Anyway, what have you been doing? You look pretty bored down here." Holly said.

Foaly opened his mouth indignantly.

"Bored?" he asked. "I am _incredibly _overworked. And underpaid, I might add."

Holly nodded in a sympathetic way.

"Yes, I know, I'm sorry. You are _incredibly_ unappreciated."

Foaly's eyes narrowed.

"What do you want now?" he asked.

"It's just one tiny favour. It'll only take you a second."

"A second out of my busy schedule. What is it?"

"The girls filmed most of the party, but I can't access the files on their computers. But you could hack in…"

Foaly rolled his eyes. "I don't do things for your viewing pleasure." He said. Holly slumped, and Foaly added, "I do, however, do things for mine."

With a quick glance out of his one way window, Foaly pushed himself on his chair to the computer and began tapping on the keys.

"Where do they live? It'll be faster if I can localize the search as much as possible."

"Wicklow. It's a human school day, so they'll be at Wicklow High if you want to be specific."

Foaly's fingers flew over the keyboard. A dozen little windows opened up. He exited each one that didn't hold the information they wanted.

"Got it," he said in triumph.

They searched through the girl's files, and found a folder labeled_ How to make Artemis Fowl Fall in Love_.

"Bit cliché," Foaly said critically.

"It had to be a How To project," Holly said.

They opened each video file. They weren't great quality, and the audio was too loud and distorted. It was dark and lights flashed. They watched Tali go to greet Artemis from different angles, and then drag him to the dance floor. Foaly laughed.

"I almost feel sorry for the kid," he said.

The next three files were of Tali and Artemis sitting and talking. The last one had been uploaded more recently. It was just of an empty room.

"Is this supposed to be here?" Holly asked in confusion.

"I'll fastforward it," Foaly said. He did so, skipping a few random drunk teenagers wandering in and out, checking their hair- obviously the camera was on a mirror. Finally Artemis and Tali entered. The quality was a lot better and the audio was clear. Artemis seemed to be covered in something.

Tali walked off screen. Artemis stood there, looking awkward.

"They'll probably be a little small for you," Tali's voice said from out of camera. "But it's worth a try."

She reappeared with a red t-shirt and navy blue tracksuit pants.

"It's fine, I'll stay in this and go home," Artemis said. Holly and Foaly watched him shaking his head quickly.

"Don't be stupid, put these on," Tali replied. "And do it fast, I can't keep breathing through my mouth,"

Holly smiled. She really did like this girl.

Artemis took the clothes and looked around. His cheeks went red and he began to undress. In the background, Tali leant against the wall. Her expression matched Holly's. Then Artemis took off his shirt and Tali raised her eyebrows. Artemis looked back, caught Tali staring, and she blushed.

"Mud People," Foaly muttered. "So... _sensual_."

"Thank you," Artemis said as he finished dressing.

"You're welcome," Tali replied.

Holly and Foaly continued to watch eagerly as Tali and Artemis drank some Mud Man alcohol and talked. Tali did most of the talking. Artemis seemed completely bewildered as to how he had even found himself in this situation. But he did seem to be warming to Tali. Holly watched in amazement as he smiled at her strange looking hairstyle, almost as if he... liked her? But how could he possibly like Tali. He didn't even know her. And Artemis Fowl didn't develop relationships with people after only knowing them for a week.

The two teenagers laughed into the camera, and Tali played with Artemis' hair. He looked happy. Like he was enjoying himself.

"Who is that and what have they done with Artemis?" Holly asked aloud.

"Shh!" Foaly said, staring intently at the screen.

Artemis and Tali were staring at each other. Holly eyes widened as they moved closer together. Both her and Foaly watched the rest of the video in shocked silence. The screen went black and they turned to stare at each other.

"Did that just happen?" Foaly asked finally.

"Yes. Unless your file is corrupt. Or that wasn't Artemis."

"I'm not sure that _was_ Artemis." Foaly replied.

"You know what this means don't you?"

"What?"

"Their plan actually might work."


	16. The Cameras

By Thursday, the girls still hadn't done anything. The film was due in less than 3 weeks, and they still hadn't managed to make Artemis fall in love. At least, they didn't think so.

"Maybe he does kind of like me. Maybe we can just put all the footage together and the project will be finished?" Tali suggested.

They were sitting in a playground walking distance from their school. They'd gone there after school with the intention of brainstorming for the next stage of the project, but they hadn't come up with anything so far.

"The project's called 'How to make Artemis Fowl _Fall In Love'_. Not 'How to make Artemis Fowl Develop a Mild Attraction That He Doesn't Act On At All'." Kat said.

Tali sighed and swung her legs over the sides of the climbing frame they were sitting on. _I'm going to have to tell them_, she thought. She opened her mouth, her Viva interrupted her.

"We have less than three weeks. I say Tali should call Artemis."

"Call him? That'll look desperate," Kat said. "Boys come to us, we don't go to the boys."

"What choice do we have? No offence Tal, but Artemis isn't going to call you."

"But I don't have his number." Tali said. _And I don't want to have to call him anyway_.

"Will he be listed?"

"Viv, the guy has a bodyguard. People like that don't allow their numbers to be listed." Kat said.

"Fine then, what do you suggest?" Viva asked in annoyance.

They lapsed into silence, all thinking.

"We could... go to St Bartlebys?" Viva asked.

"Again?" Tali asked. "We've already been there, what, three times? Last time I almost caught putting in that-" she stopped short and her eyes widened. She spun around to face Kat and Viva. Their expressions matched hers.

"Oh my god," Kat said softly. In shocked unison, they all cried,

"_The camera!_"

* * *

"Okay, it'll be just like last time. Get in, get out, no problems."

"If you remember, last time was not 'no problems'. It was more like me crawling on my stomach to not get caught under Artemis' bed."

"There's worst things then getting caught under Artemis' bed."

"Oh yeah, like what?"

"Getting caught in it."

They all laughed as they ran through the streets of Wicklow towards St Bartlebys. They had no idea what they were going to do, but really, how hard could it be?

They arrived at St Bartlebys. It was almost dusk, and there weren't a lot of boys around.

"What if he's in his room?" Tali said quietly as they made their way through the corridors.

"Then we wait til he leaves." Kat replied.

"But how do we _know_ he's in his room?"

Kat paused.

"We... knock?"

"Oh yeah," Tali said sarcastically. "Hi Artemis, just knocking on your door to see if you're here, going to get going now and wait until you leave so we can sneak into your bedroom and steal back the camera we planted there."

"Okay, how about this for a plan," Viva said. "Tali, you go to Artemis' room and knock- wait, wait, let me finish!" she said as Tali opened her mouth to protest. "You go and knock. If he's there, he'll come to the door, and you can be like 'Hi, I was wondering if you'd like to go for a walk with me.' It's just a walk, with a bit of convincing he should go. While you have him occupied, Kat or I will go in there and get the camera, then go home and we'll see you tomorrow. If he's not there, we'll just grab the camera and go."

Kat nodded. "Sounds like a good plan. What do you think Tali?"

Tali grimaced. "Do I really have to go for a walk with him?"

"It won't be that bad. You must suffer for your art." Kat said in a lofty voice.

Tali rolled her eyes.

Five minutes later, she found herself standing outside Artemis' door, hand poised to knock. She hesitated, turning around to where Kat and Viva were hiding around the corner.

"Just go!" Kat hissed. "He might not even be there."

"Okay, okay, I'm going." Tali said, and knocked three times on the door. She waited, listening for the sound of footsteps inside. She turned towards Kat and Viva and shrugged.

"No one there," she said.

"Call out, just to make sure. We can't walk in on him," Kat said.

"Artemis! It's, um, Tali. You in?" Tali said, feeling ridiculous.

There was still no answer.

"Okay, go and grab it then," Tali said, as Kat and Viva joined her at the door.

"Why don't you?"

"Because I did it last time, and besides, I'm the shortest."

"Fine then." Kat said.

Tali tried the handle. It was locked.

"Who locks their door?" Kat said in irritation.

"Paranoid genius', obviously." Viva said. "Now what?" .

"Tali climbs through the window."

"Are you kidding? Here, give me a bobby pin or something." Tali knelt down and took the pin Viva handed to her. She fiddled with the lock.

"Do you even know what you're doing?" Viva asked dubiously.

"Well they make it look easy in the movies," Tali replied. There was a click, and she grinned. "One of the few things they don't exaggerate."

The door swung open slowly.

"Should one of us keep watch?" Tali asked.

"Yeah, I'll go." Viva volunteered, and went to stand in the corridor. "Be quick, in case he comes back."

"Relax, it'll be fine," Kat said, leisurely removing the camera from the bookshelf. It hadn't been moved or disturbed- obviously Artemis hadn't found them. Lucky, because she doubted he would fall in love with a crazy stalker. She passed the camera to Tali and jumped on to Artemis' bed- wobbling slightly in her heels- to fetch the other from the overhead light. As she stretched to reach it, she heard Viva's panicked whisper.

"He's coming, he's coming! Run!"

Tali sprinted out of the room, following Viva who had taken off down the corridor. In her panic, Kat lost her footing on the mattress. She fell onto the bed, which would have been fine except that her head impacted with the hard wooden bed head.

Everything went black.

* * *

As Tali ran, she became aware that Kat was not behind her. She stopped in her tracks as Viva ran ahead, looking behind for any sign of her. She wasn't coming. So where was she?

Tali hesitated, then raced back in the direction she'd come. As she turned the corner, she saw that Artemis' door was still open. Kat hadn't come this way, which meant she was still in the room. And she could hear Artemis' footsteps getting closer...

She ran to the door and pulled it close. The lock clicked shut. If Kat was in there, she'd have time to get out through the window. But Tali had no where to go before Artemis turned the corner and saw her standing in front of his bedroom door.

Confusion crossed his face.

_Wow, I always make such a great impression_, Tali thought. _As if the last time we met wasn't awkward enough._

"Oh, Artemis. Hi." she said, mind racing as she tried to think of an excuse as to why she was here.

But Artemis, instead of being his usual arrogant self, seemed as uncomfortable as she did.

"Hello," he said. "What are you doing here?"

"I... um..." Tali hesitated, desperately trying to come up with an excuse. "I wanted to... ask you... if you wanted to go for a walk?"

Artemis frowned. "A walk?" he asked.

"Yeah. Just... around?" Tali gestured vaguely.

"It's 7.30. It's dark outside." Artemis said.

"Oh. Right. Um," Tali smiled nervously. "Did you want to just... hang out here for a while then?"

Artemis frowned again. _This is without a doubt the strangest girl I have ever met._ He could never tell when she was telling the truth or lying, and even when he suspected she was lying he never could understand why she would be. Now, for instance- he was sure she hadn't come here to ask him to go for a walk, but he couldn't figure out what her real motive was.

"Actually, we're not allowed non-students in our rooms." Artemis said.

Tali's mind was still whirring. A part of her was glad- she could go home and everything would be fine. But another part of her wanted to stay. _Why? _she asked this second part in irritation. _It'll be good for the project,_ she reasoned. _You need to spend as much time with Artemis as possible._ She ignored what her slightly less rational side was telling her: _You want to spend as much time with Artemis as possible._

She smiled, a genuine smile now, and asked quietly.

"Don't tell me you never break the rules?"

Artemis may have been a genius, but he was also an adolescent male, who had just been offered a challenge by a girl he, well, liked. He wasn't sure how or why he liked her, but there was no denying that he did.

"Of course I break rules," he said.

"Well then, why don't we go inside?" Tali asked.

Artemis could feel his cheeks reddening. Was she suggesting what she seemed to be suggesting? No, she wasn't like that- or at least he didn't think she was. But how did he know? He hardly knew her. In fact, there was evidence to suggest she _was_ like that. But the way she was smiling at him wasn't really flirtatious. It was closer to _friendly._ So what should he do? Bring her inside? Say no? When had he become so damn indecisive?

"Okay," he said.

He walked to the door, inserted his key into the lock, and turned the handle.

* * *

Kat opened her eyes slowly, one by one. She was in a strange room, lying face down on a bed, with a pounding headache.

_What happened last night?_ she wondered. Then she glanced out the window and saw that it was dark outside. That, and the room she was in was oddly familiar. Memories slowly took shape in her mind; a camera in a bookshelf, another on a light, reaching up to grab it, Viva's startled cry.

Kat jumped up off the bed, ignoring the pain in her head, and brushed down her clothes quickly. _Gross. Nerd germs_.

She went to the door, then stopped short as she heard voices outside. One of them, she noticed with relief, was Tali's. The other belonged to Artemis Fowl.

"I wanted to... ask you... if you wanted to go for a walk?" Tali was asking. Stalling him, obviously. Lucky, or he would have walked in to find Kat in his bed. Kat grinned, imagining his expression.

"A walk?" Artemis asked in confusion.

"Yeah. Just... around?" Tali replied.

"It's 7.30. It's dark outside."

Tali was struggling. Kat had to get out of there fast, before Artemis decided to retreat into his bedroom. But first she had to get what she came for.

She jumped back up on to the bed and grabbed down the camera from where it was hidden. Stuffing it down the front of her jumper, she crept back to the door to listen.

"Actually, we're not allowed non-students in our rooms." Artemis was saying.

There was a pause.

"Don't tell me you never break the rules?" Tali replied.

Kat punched the air in triumph. She couldn't have done it better herself. As much as she wanted to stay and listen, she had to get out of there. She crossed to the window, eased it open, and climbed onto the balcony.

"Good luck Tali," she said softly as she edged away from Artemis' window.


	17. The Chess Game

Tali glanced around the room nervously as she followed Artemis inside, but there was no sign of Kat. Hopefully she'd gotten the camera and left through the window. It was slightly ajar, so she thought so.

Artemis stopped in the middle of the room and stood there awkwardly, watching Tali. Tali pouted, wondering what the hell she was going to do now that she was in here.

"You want to... sit down?" she asked. This was ridiculous, it was his room, not hers. He should be inviting _her_ to sit.

Artemis looked around the room. Tali realized her mistake. The only chair was Artemis' desk chair. Other than that, the only surface possible to sit on was Artemis' bed. As neither of these choices appealed to Tali, she abruptly sunk to the floor and sat there cross legged.

"So... do you have any board games?"

_Board games?_ she thought, mentally slapping herself. Where had that come from?

"I have a chess set." Artemis said. He went to the book shelf and got down a heavy looking wooden chess set. Then he realized Tali wasn't the chess playing type. "Do you know how to play?"

"I know how, but I haven't played for years," Tali said. It was partly true. She hadn't played on a proper board like this for years. But she spent most of her History lessons playing chess against her laptop.

Artemis sat down opposite her, looking as though he'd never sat on the floor in his life. Then again, maybe he hadn't. He placed the chess board between them and started to take the pieces out of a little wooden box.

"White or black?" he asked.

"White." Tali said.

He started to place her pieces on the board for her. She let him. Once he had placed all the pieces in the correct places, he straightened up and templed his fingers.

"Whenever you're ready." he said.

"Okay, but go easy on me," Tali laughed. "I know you're probably a pro at this."

Artemis mouth twitched at her comment. _A pro_. he thought. She didn't know how right she was.

Tali made her first move quickly. Let him think she was some bimbo who didn't think about it at all. She moved the pawn directly in front of her king forward, then glanced up at Artemis' expression. His face was blank, a perfect poker face. She sat back and waited for him to move. He did so almost straight away. _He's cocky_. She thought. Although, he probably had a right to be. He moved the pawn in front of his King just one space. Then he sat back and waited, watching her. Tali made her move just as quickly. She moved the pawn in front of her queen up to spaces, placing it next to her other pawn. Artemis responded by moving the pawn in front of his queen forward two spaces. Tali didn't know the names of any plays or anything like that, but she was pretty sure this was one.

She fingered her queen, looking for a reaction from Artemis. There was none. _God this boy's good._ She moved to her knight and moved it to the vacated position of her pawn, in front of her queen.

"I love these horsey ones," she said, giggling. Her best chance was to be completely underestimated.

Artemis raised an eyebrow and said nothing. He moved his own knight in front of his line of pawns.

Tali smiled. _Game on._

The game continued. Artemis took some of Tali's pieces. She took some of his. Even though his expression remained completely neutral, she sensed that he was surprised she'd lasted this long. She hid her King in the corner, behind a barrier of her queen, castle and some pawns. He kept his King in the middle, unmoved and unguarded.

Gradually he broke down her carefully placed guards. Her king was defenseless, but she had more pieces left than he did. But he was a better player, a much better player. He wasn't going easy anymore. Tali watched in amazement as he took out her castle, knight and remaining pawns, before cornering her poor King with his castle and knight.

"Checkmate." he said triumphantly.

Tali knocked over her own King and grinned.

"Well done. You played well." she said.

Artemis regarded her carefully.

"You have played recently, haven't you?" he said.

Tali smiled sheepishly. "I get bored in class. Chess is the only game on my laptop."

"And you are perfectly aware that knights are called knights and not the 'horsey ones'?"

Tali laughed. "Well I knew you'd win," she said. "I hoped you'd go easier if you underestimated me."

Artemis actually smiled. "I _never_ underestimate an opponent."

Tali looked at him. Artemis met her gaze. Tali stared into his blue eyes. They were almost _too_ blue. She'd never seen anyone with eyes as bright as his.

She moved forwards, unconsciously wetting her lips with her tongue.

She saw Artemis' eyes widen. She smiled.

"Come on Artemis," she whispered, "Kiss me."

Artemis hesitated. It was only a moment. Then Tali reached out and took hold of the back of his head, her fingers knotting in his perfectly combed hair, and pulled him forwards. Their lips met. Tali's eyes closed. She melted.

As their lips broke apart, Tali smiled.

"See you around," she said.

Then she stood and walked out of the room without looking over her shoulder.

Tali crept through the darkened hallways of St Bartlebys, unable to help grinning in the darkness. She stubbed her toe on a step and bit her lip to stop herself cursing.

_Get a grip_ she thought. But she couldn't. She felt like doing cartwheels down the corridors, like sliding down the banisters, like screaming from the top of her lungs. She had never felt this crazy rush of adrenaline before.

Once she was out of the school, she ran home, schools shoes slapping on the pavement, heart thumping in her chest.

She was happy. She was truly happy.

Viva was bored. Tali was busy with Artemis, and Kat had disappeared and wasn't answering her phone. Viva wasn't worried about Kat though- she knew her friend had her reasons for being evasive. Kat had never been good at keeping secrets- she'd find out the truth some time.

She flipped open her laptop. After perusing her facebook page for a while, she opened the files from the project. She smiled as she watched the clips with the sound off. This would look fantastic when it was all finished. That was, if Tali did manage to make Artemis fall in love. Right now it seemed unlikely.

She reached the ones of the party, and watched Tali talking to Artemis, dancing with Artemis, and then a small empty room...

Viva stopped and rewound, then paused. One of the clips was new. The upload date was more recent than the others. Viva frowned. She turned on the sound and watched.

The camera showed the room where they'd gotten ready before the party. But they hadn't put a camera there. Or she hadn't. Had Tali placed another camera without telling her? Had Kat?

Nothing was happening on the screen. Viva frowned and pressed fastfoward. A few people came into view- people who had been at the party. They looked at a place just below the camera. Viva realized they were looking at a mirror. She was just about to close it, thinking it was there by mistake, when she saw Tali on the screen. She was followed by Artemis. He was covered in that girls vomit- Viva remembered who he'd gotten spewed on. She had seen Tali leading him towards the bathrooms. She hadn't known Tali had taken him into the back room. Why hadn't she shared this information with them?

"They'll probably be a little small for you," Tali was saying. "But it's worth a try."

Viva watched in bemusement as she handed Artemis a red t-shirt and blue tracksuit pants. Artemis tried to refuse, but she convinced him. Viva watched him get changed. _Wow_, she thought. _Not actually _that_ bad._

Tali got Artemis a drink. Viva was surprised to see Artemis actually drink it. He was warming up, a little. Only a little. Viva listened to Tali as she leant towards Artemis and spoke quietly. And she'd said she couldn't possibly flirt with him. The girl underestimated herself.

"I don't actually like the taste all that much, and I don't like to drink a lot because I'm kind of a light weight. I just pretend to take sips when I share bottles with people most of the time."

Viva wasn't even sure if Tali was acting or not. Now that she thought about it, her and Kat got through a lot more of the vodka than Tali did when they shared a bottle.

She continued to watch as Tali laughed and flirted and played with Artemis' hair. Why hadn't Tali told them any of this? She was a lot closer to getting Artemis to fall in love than they'd imagined.

And then Viva watched them look at each and get closer. her eyes widened

"Oh tali, you didn't..." she said, just as their lips met.

"Oh my god," Viva said. "She did."

Tali wasn't just close, she had practically succeeded. The project was almost done.

But why had she kept it a secret?

Viva closed her laptop. She would have to talk to Tali tomorrow. But first she would call Kat. She knew exactly what the next phase had to be.


End file.
